With my surgery date slowly closing in, and the inability to do much physically with all these darn stitches in my chest, I have A LOT of time to think. With thinking comes increased anxiety...but also the ability to turn that anxiety around by forcing myself to focus on positives.
I was relieved last week when Dr. F's nurse told me if all goes well, I can come home after only 1 day in the hospital. I was dreading the THREE days they had pre-authorized with insurance.
I hate hospitals in general. They represent germs, non-well states of being, toxic medication, and intervention with the body – once that first cut is made, things are never the same in that area again. They are a reminder of my many stays during my VERY complicated pregnancy with Breanna and her subsequent hospitalization and heart surgery.
Hospitals also represent compassion, incredible people who have given their lives to helping others, and choice.
We all have the choice to get bitter or better. Physical symptoms just alert us to the fact that we need to make different choices about where we are at, how we want to proceed into the future, and most importantly, how we did things in the past. Allowing the window for healing to open.
I've decided that since I am going to spend time in hospital in the near future, I need to change my attitude towards them. So instead of giving the ‘I hate hospitals’ thought too much energy, I'm changing the way I think/feel about hospitals.
I'm withdrawing my spirit and viewing them as car workshops. Some sections deal with investigation (radiology, neurology, x-ray), others with repairs (fixing, replacing, removing), and others with panel replacement (plastic surgery). I hope this helps me detach myself from the process my body has already went through and will continue to go through in the near future. My car has 2 flat tires and they need to be changed!
We all need tune-ups from time to time.