Bill,
I've never read more true words than these.
"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can truly turn your world around. You tell them them things you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more.
You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved, and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.
When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.
They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself.
Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.
There is never any pressure, jealousy, or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around.
You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.
The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song, or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so vivid clear it's like being young again.
Colors seems brighter and more brilliant.
Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all.
A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to you face.
In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find that you're quite content in just having them nearby.
Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.
You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind, or even a storm cloud on the horizon,
You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.
You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure so real that it scares you.
You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal until the end.
Life seems completely different, exciting, and worthwhile.
Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are part of your life."
-Bob Marley
Tuesday, May 07, 2013
Monday, May 06, 2013
What They Taught Me
It's time to give credit where credit is due.
I wouldn't be who I am today without the guidance of my parents.
I am their firstborn, and they had me as teenagers so they relied heavily on the guidance of my grandparents, and we, in a sense, grew up together.
My dad taught me how to throw a softball (and not 'like a girl'), ride a bike, and fish. I was quite the 'daddy tag-a-long' growing up.
My mom, she taught me how to fix my hair and put on make-up, and she taught me how to drive. I can still hear her saying Brakes, Casondra, BRAKES!!!!!, as I approached my very first stop sign in her old Cutlass Sierra. We stopped in time, but I think we may both have endured some whiplash. Ha. All is well, and I'm a good driver now.
My parents taught me that presence in your kids life is so very important. They never missed sporting events, or school plays, or anything that us kids were involved in. In fact, my dad worked a 3rd shift job, often getting way too little sleep, so that he could be involved in our lives.
My mother has always, always made a point to tell me how beautiful she thinks I am. Whether it was on picture day at school, before the several proms I attended, on a random photo I post on Facebook, or even just before I go out for the evening with friends.
My parents taught me manners. They taught me to 'say please and thank you.' And to help out people in need, even if I didn't have anything but my time to give.
They taught me that sometimes there a few things in life quite like the comfort of your parents. They've rubbed my back and head to calm me as a child when the weather would change and my asthma would flair its ugly face. They took turns standing beside my bed, rubbing my back as I labored through 26 hrs of back labor with my oldest daughter, and sat with me in my recovery room after I had to have an emergency c-section. They've sat with me in almost every triage room before all of the major surgeries I've had in my life, and held my hands as I've been poked and prodded with needles. My dad held me when I fell apart when the life-flight team took Bre.
They taught me about Jesus, and that as long as I rely on my faith, I can survive any difficult situation in my life.
They've also taught me a few invaluable lesson as of late.
They've taught me that regardless of circumstance and life choices, you love and SUPPORT YOUR children NO MATTER WHAT. And that the things I despise the most in this life are intolerance and hypocrisy.
So, without further ado, I hope to pass these life lessons on to my daughters.
I want to encourage my daughters to live. The way they want to. And that may mean that they are a homebody like me, or that they may be a world traveler. I will never make them feel guilty for wanting to spread their wings, follow their dreams, and be who they want to be, regardless of it is takes them hundreds or thousands of miles away from me. And regardless of if they live their life in a way that doesn't always align with what I think is best for them. It's their life and their happiness.
I want to let them make mistakes. I've been their age and I've had successes and failures. To not be that parent that says 'I told you so' or 'you were wrong' but to encourage them to get back out there and try again.
I make it a point to show my daughters affection. I truly believe that daughters mimic the compassion of their mother. We give a lot of hugs, have snuggle time, hold hands, give eskimo kisses, and say 'I love you' often.
Communication. Don't just talk.....LISTEN! I spend a lot of time talking to my girls. It's important to me that they understand the importance of not talking at, over, or down to anyone. We all have a voice, and our voices matter. Maybe not to everyone, but they do matter.
Be a mother. I hope that they understand the pure joy that comes from being a mother, and that one day they want to be mothers. That they understand that they will never have a better friend, confidant, and supporter.
To love and encourage others, instead of judging based off of differing of opinions or views. And to demand the same from the people they allow in their lives. Life is entirely too short and too precious to allow negativity in. That just because their views don't line up with someone else's doesn't give them the right to give unwarranted advice or criticisms, or throw stones. That just because they may not agree with someone else's choices doesn't mean they can't still show compassion.
That sometimes it is necessary to remove people (friends, acquaintances, and sometimes family) from your life. If someone is causing you more hurt than they are happiness, or if you've set boundaries for allowing them to be a part of your life and they blatantly disregard them, it is okay to severe your ties. Common bonds don't always mean a relationship should exist.
And lastly, I hope they always follow their heart in love. Sometimes things don't work out and they may get their hearts broken or break someone else's heart, but they deserve to be happy and have a partner that loves them with everything they have. And regardless of how they find that person, I will always, ALWAYS support them.
I wouldn't be who I am today without the guidance of my parents.
I am their firstborn, and they had me as teenagers so they relied heavily on the guidance of my grandparents, and we, in a sense, grew up together.
My dad taught me how to throw a softball (and not 'like a girl'), ride a bike, and fish. I was quite the 'daddy tag-a-long' growing up.
My mom, she taught me how to fix my hair and put on make-up, and she taught me how to drive. I can still hear her saying Brakes, Casondra, BRAKES!!!!!, as I approached my very first stop sign in her old Cutlass Sierra. We stopped in time, but I think we may both have endured some whiplash. Ha. All is well, and I'm a good driver now.
My parents taught me that presence in your kids life is so very important. They never missed sporting events, or school plays, or anything that us kids were involved in. In fact, my dad worked a 3rd shift job, often getting way too little sleep, so that he could be involved in our lives.
My mother has always, always made a point to tell me how beautiful she thinks I am. Whether it was on picture day at school, before the several proms I attended, on a random photo I post on Facebook, or even just before I go out for the evening with friends.
My parents taught me manners. They taught me to 'say please and thank you.' And to help out people in need, even if I didn't have anything but my time to give.
They taught me that sometimes there a few things in life quite like the comfort of your parents. They've rubbed my back and head to calm me as a child when the weather would change and my asthma would flair its ugly face. They took turns standing beside my bed, rubbing my back as I labored through 26 hrs of back labor with my oldest daughter, and sat with me in my recovery room after I had to have an emergency c-section. They've sat with me in almost every triage room before all of the major surgeries I've had in my life, and held my hands as I've been poked and prodded with needles. My dad held me when I fell apart when the life-flight team took Bre.
They taught me about Jesus, and that as long as I rely on my faith, I can survive any difficult situation in my life.
They've also taught me a few invaluable lesson as of late.
They've taught me that regardless of circumstance and life choices, you love and SUPPORT YOUR children NO MATTER WHAT. And that the things I despise the most in this life are intolerance and hypocrisy.
So, without further ado, I hope to pass these life lessons on to my daughters.
I want to encourage my daughters to live. The way they want to. And that may mean that they are a homebody like me, or that they may be a world traveler. I will never make them feel guilty for wanting to spread their wings, follow their dreams, and be who they want to be, regardless of it is takes them hundreds or thousands of miles away from me. And regardless of if they live their life in a way that doesn't always align with what I think is best for them. It's their life and their happiness.
I want to let them make mistakes. I've been their age and I've had successes and failures. To not be that parent that says 'I told you so' or 'you were wrong' but to encourage them to get back out there and try again.
I make it a point to show my daughters affection. I truly believe that daughters mimic the compassion of their mother. We give a lot of hugs, have snuggle time, hold hands, give eskimo kisses, and say 'I love you' often.
Communication. Don't just talk.....LISTEN! I spend a lot of time talking to my girls. It's important to me that they understand the importance of not talking at, over, or down to anyone. We all have a voice, and our voices matter. Maybe not to everyone, but they do matter.
Be a mother. I hope that they understand the pure joy that comes from being a mother, and that one day they want to be mothers. That they understand that they will never have a better friend, confidant, and supporter.
To love and encourage others, instead of judging based off of differing of opinions or views. And to demand the same from the people they allow in their lives. Life is entirely too short and too precious to allow negativity in. That just because their views don't line up with someone else's doesn't give them the right to give unwarranted advice or criticisms, or throw stones. That just because they may not agree with someone else's choices doesn't mean they can't still show compassion.
That sometimes it is necessary to remove people (friends, acquaintances, and sometimes family) from your life. If someone is causing you more hurt than they are happiness, or if you've set boundaries for allowing them to be a part of your life and they blatantly disregard them, it is okay to severe your ties. Common bonds don't always mean a relationship should exist.
And lastly, I hope they always follow their heart in love. Sometimes things don't work out and they may get their hearts broken or break someone else's heart, but they deserve to be happy and have a partner that loves them with everything they have. And regardless of how they find that person, I will always, ALWAYS support them.
Friday, May 03, 2013
My FFF
It's been a LONG time since I sat down to write a list of my favorite things and memories from the week. My friend, Natalie, mentioned a book she's reading called 'The Happiness Project' yesterday, and of course I downloaded it to iBooks immediately. Thank goodness my growing list of 'inspiring' books is stored in my iPad, otherwise Bill might want me to discard some of them.
Anyways, after reading the first chapter of said book, I feel moved to jump back on the 'Friday's Favorite Five' bandwagon. The good thing about this blog and my other, private journal is being able to look back at different periods of time in my life. It is always easy to remember the bigger moments in my life, but often times, I forget those smaller day-to-day things that I feel thankful and blessed for, and this is the perfect way to document them.
1. Clean Eating. I generally eat fairly good, but on Sunday, E, asked me to do a 30-Day 'diet' with her. I say diet, because it isn't really a diet, it's more of a lifestyle change that involves cutting out all processed foods, grains, and sugar. Basically we are eating proteins, unlimited veggies, and fruit. Mid-way through Day 1, I sent her a text that said, "Good lord woman!!!!! I'm going to starve to death." Ha. Well, here it is, Day 5, and I'm not starving at all. In fact, I feel really full at the end of every meal, and my energy level has increased. The best part, I'm already down a few pounds (probably water weight, but still)...I have a gorgeous dress hanging in my closet that I need to look good in, in a few weeks.
2. Warm, sunny days. Spring is FINALLY here, and although my sinuses are going crazy, I'm choosing to see the beauty of a clear, blue sky. A warm breeze blowing through my window while Bre and Gray-cee stand in the sunlight, feeling the breeze on their faces. Those moments when time slows, and God's love is ever apparent in the beauty that surrounds us.
3. My girls. There is nothing in this life that makes me more proud than being a mom to my three, precious girls. Last night, as Kinsey read through her report on Bill Clinton to Bill and I, I couldn't help but feel proud of well my older two girls are doing in school. As Ava read me her favorite bedtime story, I felt my eyes welling with tears, because I know how blessed I am that I get to be their Mommy. And Bre... That little spitfire keeps me on my toes, and in a fit of laughter. I could sit and stare at all three of my girls for hours.
4. FaceTime. Long-distance relationships are hard! You spend a lot of time apart to only get a few days here and there together. We pass the time between visits by video-chatting several hours every.single.day. It's allowed us to watch TV shows together, eat together, put the girls to bed, and just be able to 'see' each other. It's definitely made our times apart more bearable.
5. Bill. I know, predictable. But I really am just so thankful for him. There's not a day that goes by that he doesn't make me feel more loved than I ever have. And there really is no better feeling in the world besides that. Four weeks, baby!!!
Anyways, after reading the first chapter of said book, I feel moved to jump back on the 'Friday's Favorite Five' bandwagon. The good thing about this blog and my other, private journal is being able to look back at different periods of time in my life. It is always easy to remember the bigger moments in my life, but often times, I forget those smaller day-to-day things that I feel thankful and blessed for, and this is the perfect way to document them.
1. Clean Eating. I generally eat fairly good, but on Sunday, E, asked me to do a 30-Day 'diet' with her. I say diet, because it isn't really a diet, it's more of a lifestyle change that involves cutting out all processed foods, grains, and sugar. Basically we are eating proteins, unlimited veggies, and fruit. Mid-way through Day 1, I sent her a text that said, "Good lord woman!!!!! I'm going to starve to death." Ha. Well, here it is, Day 5, and I'm not starving at all. In fact, I feel really full at the end of every meal, and my energy level has increased. The best part, I'm already down a few pounds (probably water weight, but still)...I have a gorgeous dress hanging in my closet that I need to look good in, in a few weeks.
2. Warm, sunny days. Spring is FINALLY here, and although my sinuses are going crazy, I'm choosing to see the beauty of a clear, blue sky. A warm breeze blowing through my window while Bre and Gray-cee stand in the sunlight, feeling the breeze on their faces. Those moments when time slows, and God's love is ever apparent in the beauty that surrounds us.
3. My girls. There is nothing in this life that makes me more proud than being a mom to my three, precious girls. Last night, as Kinsey read through her report on Bill Clinton to Bill and I, I couldn't help but feel proud of well my older two girls are doing in school. As Ava read me her favorite bedtime story, I felt my eyes welling with tears, because I know how blessed I am that I get to be their Mommy. And Bre... That little spitfire keeps me on my toes, and in a fit of laughter. I could sit and stare at all three of my girls for hours.
4. FaceTime. Long-distance relationships are hard! You spend a lot of time apart to only get a few days here and there together. We pass the time between visits by video-chatting several hours every.single.day. It's allowed us to watch TV shows together, eat together, put the girls to bed, and just be able to 'see' each other. It's definitely made our times apart more bearable.
5. Bill. I know, predictable. But I really am just so thankful for him. There's not a day that goes by that he doesn't make me feel more loved than I ever have. And there really is no better feeling in the world besides that. Four weeks, baby!!!
Thursday, May 02, 2013
Clearing the Air
This blog post has been a long time in the making, and yesterday cemented my feelings that it needs to be said so that my feelings are made LOUD AND CLEAR.
Have y'all heard Sara Bareilles's new song 'Brave'?
If you haven't, listen to it!
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=xwTr_CRw3GY&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DxwTr_CRw3GY
Several months ago - EIGHT - to be exact, I dealt with a situation in which I had an amazing group of friends rally around, support, and encourage me to 'take the high road'. That didn't mean I wasn't encouraged to say what I needed to say, I just chose to do it away from the eye sight of random social media followers who don't actually know me, my life outside of what I choose to share, and whose opinions don't matter in the grand scheme of my life.
But after yesterday (and after at least FOUR other public forum outburst involving this same matter) I finally decided that I need to say what I need to say...AGAIN!
I've exhausted every mature and private attempt to put this thing to bay, to no avail. So, I'm saying it here.
I am VERY proud of my relationship. Nothing I say to anyone or write on this blog is an attempt to make myself feel better about my decisions. I don't NEED to make myself feel better, because I don't feel bad. And truth be told, if I had the chance to go back in time, I'd still make the same choices. I LOVE MY HUSBAND-TO-BE WITH EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING! Our life together - his happiness, my happiness, my daughters happiness, and our hearts - is my #1 priority. I will NEVER feel bad for falling in love, and sharing my life with someone who equally reciprocates that love. And furthermore, any 'wrongdoings' I am being judged for, let me just say this, God has already forgiven me.
I've said it before and I will say it a million times, I have nothing to hide anymore.
I've let go of the toxic, negative, judgemental people in my life. If you aren't here to support and share in our happiness and love then feel free to remove yourselves, because quite frankly, we didn't/don't have space for you. I'm no longer afraid of offending people because guess what, it's my life and I deserve to be happy.
One of the things I've really learned over the past year (and after multiple cancer diagnosis's) is that time is of the essence. We are not guaranteed tomorrow, and we need to hold tight to the ones we love TODAY. They need to be a priority TODAY. If circumstances call for it, you fight for the ones you love and you protect them, at all cost.
We are not victims of circumstance or life, we are sanctified beings who have been given the gift of life today - even if some days are hard.
I'm not saying we should all be happy and joyful all the time, but if a significant amount of time has passed since a life change has occurred (and it has), it's time to quit dwelling and move on.
Go do something to make someone's life better instead of sitting around, spewing hatred, and playing a victim while throwing stones from your glass house.
Just because certain circumstances might not have made you a better person or challenged you to grow doesn't mean similar circumstances are hindering someone else, too. If we were all exactly the same, there would be no diversity in life, and my gosh, how boring would that be?!!!
Have y'all heard Sara Bareilles's new song 'Brave'?
If you haven't, listen to it!
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=xwTr_CRw3GY&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DxwTr_CRw3GY
Several months ago - EIGHT - to be exact, I dealt with a situation in which I had an amazing group of friends rally around, support, and encourage me to 'take the high road'. That didn't mean I wasn't encouraged to say what I needed to say, I just chose to do it away from the eye sight of random social media followers who don't actually know me, my life outside of what I choose to share, and whose opinions don't matter in the grand scheme of my life.
But after yesterday (and after at least FOUR other public forum outburst involving this same matter) I finally decided that I need to say what I need to say...AGAIN!
I've exhausted every mature and private attempt to put this thing to bay, to no avail. So, I'm saying it here.
I am VERY proud of my relationship. Nothing I say to anyone or write on this blog is an attempt to make myself feel better about my decisions. I don't NEED to make myself feel better, because I don't feel bad. And truth be told, if I had the chance to go back in time, I'd still make the same choices. I LOVE MY HUSBAND-TO-BE WITH EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING! Our life together - his happiness, my happiness, my daughters happiness, and our hearts - is my #1 priority. I will NEVER feel bad for falling in love, and sharing my life with someone who equally reciprocates that love. And furthermore, any 'wrongdoings' I am being judged for, let me just say this, God has already forgiven me.
I've said it before and I will say it a million times, I have nothing to hide anymore.
I've let go of the toxic, negative, judgemental people in my life. If you aren't here to support and share in our happiness and love then feel free to remove yourselves, because quite frankly, we didn't/don't have space for you. I'm no longer afraid of offending people because guess what, it's my life and I deserve to be happy.
One of the things I've really learned over the past year (and after multiple cancer diagnosis's) is that time is of the essence. We are not guaranteed tomorrow, and we need to hold tight to the ones we love TODAY. They need to be a priority TODAY. If circumstances call for it, you fight for the ones you love and you protect them, at all cost.
We are not victims of circumstance or life, we are sanctified beings who have been given the gift of life today - even if some days are hard.
I'm not saying we should all be happy and joyful all the time, but if a significant amount of time has passed since a life change has occurred (and it has), it's time to quit dwelling and move on.
Go do something to make someone's life better instead of sitting around, spewing hatred, and playing a victim while throwing stones from your glass house.
Just because certain circumstances might not have made you a better person or challenged you to grow doesn't mean similar circumstances are hindering someone else, too. If we were all exactly the same, there would be no diversity in life, and my gosh, how boring would that be?!!!
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
It's Not Always Black and White
Yesterday I had the privilege of spending a few hours with my sister-in-law, nephew, and niece. Life discussions with Mindy are always good for my soul, because she is just one of the most level-headed, say-it-like-she-sees-it kind of people I've ever met.
One of the things I've realized over the last few weeks (and after several talks with different people I love very much including the one I had with Mindy) is that in my reluctance to share the bad that was happening in my life, I've also excluded so many people from knowing and truly understanding the good, and they are struggling with it.
A couple weeks ago, my soon-to-be nephew posted a question on Faceb**k questioning people's decisions to stay in or go back to what most would consider and judge to be a 'black and white' situation. In short, I tried to explain to him that decisions regarding someone you love and are in a relationship with may not always be black and white.
I think it's easy to look at someone else's circumstances and think, or even say aloud to someone else 'I can't believe they made this choice' or 'This person did x, y, z, and those were horrible decisions'. But the truth is, no one can say exactly what they would do in your circumstance unless they've lived the exact life you have.
For so long I was as guilty as the next person for having these exact same thoughts. It wasn't until I found myself at a crossroad - that I had been so sure of what I'd do if I ever was there - that I realized there are situations/circumstances/factual details that have the ability to alter your views. Looking in from the outside, things may seem black and white, or as some like to say 'wrong is wrong', but I know that is simply not the case.
Six months ago, my life changed when Bill made the almost 10 hour drive to come to Tampa and support me while I walked 60 miles in support of breast cancer. He was a chauffeur from the airport to dinner with Gloria and Taylor, he was a cheerleader out on route, he was by my side when I got the phone call telling me that a mass had been found in my stepmom's kidney, and he was waiting for me - at the finish line. As I walked hand-in-hand with Gloria into closing, we passed a man who has been my friend during some of the darkest hours of my life this past year. A man who, earlier that month had flown to Indiana to be my support when I was staring at another cancer diagnosis, and refused to let me face it alone. A man who would walk through fire to make sure I am safe and happy and know that I am loved. Gloria waved and smiled at Bill, put her arm around my shoulder and squeezed me tight. She looked me in the eyes and said, 'That man is a good man, and it speaks volumes that he is here to support you right now. The road ahead may not be easy, but don't let him go. He loves you, and anyone who is around him for more than two minutes can see it.' Thank you, Gloria, for your words. They changed my life.
Everyone who knows me, knows that my life was a little crazy at that given moment. I had just moved out of my house, and I was coming home to have two surgeries. I was living in a 'gray zone', and to say it was not ideal timing to be navigating a newish - long distance - relationship would be a major understatement, but we both knew how much we valued each other.
This road hasn't been easy, we've had to endure some bumpy, weathered places in the road, and we learned early on that it really is 'us against the world' but Bill has renewed my faith in having a relationship in which I KNOW my happiness and well being actually matter. To put it simply, 'he is everything I never knew I needed in a life partner', and there is not a day of my life that goes by that I don't know how incredibly lucky we are that our paths crossed.
With that being said, had someone told me last summer that I'd date and marry him, I would've told them that they were crazy, and that it'd never happen because of how our paths crossed.
It wasn't until I was actually standing at that crossroad that I realized things aren't always as easy or clear cut as they seem. Sometimes there are many factors involved that those looking in will never see or understand, and they will judge you based off their assumptions. For me, discussing the good has been as limited as admitting the not-so-good, so I've heard a lot of assumptions that are just that 'assumptions'. Here is what I want to say, the good really is great now, and I would've never been this happy if I didn't chose gray.
One of the things I've realized over the last few weeks (and after several talks with different people I love very much including the one I had with Mindy) is that in my reluctance to share the bad that was happening in my life, I've also excluded so many people from knowing and truly understanding the good, and they are struggling with it.
A couple weeks ago, my soon-to-be nephew posted a question on Faceb**k questioning people's decisions to stay in or go back to what most would consider and judge to be a 'black and white' situation. In short, I tried to explain to him that decisions regarding someone you love and are in a relationship with may not always be black and white.
I think it's easy to look at someone else's circumstances and think, or even say aloud to someone else 'I can't believe they made this choice' or 'This person did x, y, z, and those were horrible decisions'. But the truth is, no one can say exactly what they would do in your circumstance unless they've lived the exact life you have.
For so long I was as guilty as the next person for having these exact same thoughts. It wasn't until I found myself at a crossroad - that I had been so sure of what I'd do if I ever was there - that I realized there are situations/circumstances/factual details that have the ability to alter your views. Looking in from the outside, things may seem black and white, or as some like to say 'wrong is wrong', but I know that is simply not the case.
Six months ago, my life changed when Bill made the almost 10 hour drive to come to Tampa and support me while I walked 60 miles in support of breast cancer. He was a chauffeur from the airport to dinner with Gloria and Taylor, he was a cheerleader out on route, he was by my side when I got the phone call telling me that a mass had been found in my stepmom's kidney, and he was waiting for me - at the finish line. As I walked hand-in-hand with Gloria into closing, we passed a man who has been my friend during some of the darkest hours of my life this past year. A man who, earlier that month had flown to Indiana to be my support when I was staring at another cancer diagnosis, and refused to let me face it alone. A man who would walk through fire to make sure I am safe and happy and know that I am loved. Gloria waved and smiled at Bill, put her arm around my shoulder and squeezed me tight. She looked me in the eyes and said, 'That man is a good man, and it speaks volumes that he is here to support you right now. The road ahead may not be easy, but don't let him go. He loves you, and anyone who is around him for more than two minutes can see it.' Thank you, Gloria, for your words. They changed my life.
Everyone who knows me, knows that my life was a little crazy at that given moment. I had just moved out of my house, and I was coming home to have two surgeries. I was living in a 'gray zone', and to say it was not ideal timing to be navigating a newish - long distance - relationship would be a major understatement, but we both knew how much we valued each other.
This road hasn't been easy, we've had to endure some bumpy, weathered places in the road, and we learned early on that it really is 'us against the world' but Bill has renewed my faith in having a relationship in which I KNOW my happiness and well being actually matter. To put it simply, 'he is everything I never knew I needed in a life partner', and there is not a day of my life that goes by that I don't know how incredibly lucky we are that our paths crossed.
With that being said, had someone told me last summer that I'd date and marry him, I would've told them that they were crazy, and that it'd never happen because of how our paths crossed.
It wasn't until I was actually standing at that crossroad that I realized things aren't always as easy or clear cut as they seem. Sometimes there are many factors involved that those looking in will never see or understand, and they will judge you based off their assumptions. For me, discussing the good has been as limited as admitting the not-so-good, so I've heard a lot of assumptions that are just that 'assumptions'. Here is what I want to say, the good really is great now, and I would've never been this happy if I didn't chose gray.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)