Working through it

Some days are harder than others, and I've heard that journaling is good way to work through those emotions.  I'm sure as you follow along with me on here over the next several months of my life you will see the good...the laughter, the joy, and you will see the ugly...the tears and struggle.  Sometimes I have a hard time translating the thoughts in my head to words on a piece of paper...or in this cases, words on my computer screen.


I have days where I literally just turn on praise music and sing at the top of my lungs because that is the only thing that can pull me out of the 'funk' I'm in that day.


I know there are stages of grief, and often times I wonder if the actuality of this has even really hit me yet, or will it happen after surgery?  


Sometimes I want to scream, Is there a purpose for this?  Show me Your plans because I still don't understand what You are using me for.  


I look at the pictures of my smiling children going up our staircase, and I pray there is a cure before they are old enough this disease could affect them.


I heard these two songs this morning, and I love them both.





Seems like the whole town's here,
Friends and ribbons fill the park,
She knows she's not alone, it makes her smile, and it breaks her heart,
Her daughter is holding her hand, a balloon tied on her wrist,
She says, "Mommy, everyone's dressed in pink, look how pretty it is."
And It reminds her, of comin' here,
When she was, just a little girl,
Holding her own mother's hand,
It was an innocent world,

When pink was just a color and ribbons tied back hair,
Every race was just for fun and she ran without a care,
Today is one step closer, to being like back then,
When pink, is just a color again,

Now her daughter's on grandpa's shoulders, waving above the crowd,
She steps up to the starting line, and takes a, long look around,
She sees posters held up high, white candles being lit,
For mothers and daughters, sisters and wives,
That are being missed,
But her mother, is still with her,
As a, picture on her shirt,
And she wipes away, bitter sweet tears,
As she, runs in memory of her,

And of when pink is just a color and
Ribbons tied back hair,
Every race was just for fun and she ran without a care
Today,is one step closer,
To being like back then,
When pink is just a colour again...

When pink is just a color and ribbons tie back hair,
Every race is just for fun, and we run without a care,
Today, is one step closer,
To being like back then,
Every step is one step further,
In this, race we're gunna win,

When pink is just a color again..
When pink is just a color again...


I'm not normally a fan of Melissa Etheridge's music...it's just not my style, but this song is AMAZING!!!







It's been years since they told her about it
The darkness her body possessed
And the scars are still there in the mirror
Everyday that she gets herself dressed
Though the pain is miles and miles behind her
And the fear is now a docile beast
If you ask her why she is still running
She'll tell you it makes her complete

[Chorus:]
I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me, my friend
I run for life

It's a blur since they told me about it
How the darkness had taken its toll
And they cut into my skin and they cut into my body
But they will never get a piece of my soul
And now I'm still learning the lesson
To awake when I hear the call
And if you ask me why I am still running
I'll tell you I run for us all

[Chorus:]
I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother your sister your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run for life

And someday if they tell you about it
If the darkness knocks on your door
Remember her remember me
We will be running as we have before
Running for answers
Running for more

I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother your sister, your daughter, your wife
For you and me my friend
I run for life
Ohohohoh

I run for your mother your sister your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run for life