Amanda and I were having a conversation today when she came to take me to my doctor's appointment.
I told her that it's hard to even go out in public right now...not because I'm ashamed of how I look or anything like that.
But because every where I look, there's PINK!
Now, I have three girls so I'm quite used to seeing pink.
But for me, personally, and even though in my heart I'm thankful for the awareness campaigns, ads, etc to help support research, it's also a constant reminder of what is going on in my life.
I've been reluctant to post about this because I'm sure it will stir up a lot of debate, and some won't understand my feeling like this, but this is my place to be real, so I'm putting it out there.
You know if you're having a stressful day at home, and you just want to go shopping with your girl friends to have a break, to de-stress? Well, I get that way...a lot. In those moments where the kids are asleep or at school, the reality of my life hits me. So, you would think getting out of the house and staying busy would help keep my mind off of things, but it's just the opposite, because as we all know...it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. There are reminders every where I look.
But then, I feel guilty for feeling that way.
Like it's a sign of weakness, and I should be proud of the fact that I'm a survivor.
Today, I was reading a post a woman wrote praising her husband for how awesome he had been during her breast cancer diagnosis, her mastectomy, her treatment, and recovery. She went on to say, "He gets it. He gets why I cringe when I see the pink lids on yogurt containers, or pink running shoes, and pink ribbons. It's a month-long, every day reminder of the most difficult thing I have ever faced in my life."
I felt a little more normal after I read this because I realized there are other people who feel EXACTLY the same way I do.
It's not that we aren't proud of where we've been, what we (our bodies) have been through, or that we aren't proud to represent the women who, sadly, will follow us and become part of the breast cancer elite, and those who have bravely went before us. It's just stirs up a lot of emotions that are so raw when there are reminders every where you look.
Now don't get me wrong... while I will be walking/running in the Race for a Cure next year, it still just hurts!
Honestly, I can't wait for November to get here!!!