I've got several emails telling me that talking through this stuff has helped someone talk to someone they know that's going through the same thing. I'm thankful for that, because like I've said before, if this situation helps one person deal with a similar situation in their own life, then it has purpose. I don't want to quit writing about it. It helps me to document my 'baby steps' and look back each week and see the progress I'm making. It's encouraging when nothing else seems to be.
I realize I am on a public forum with a public blog, but there are some things going on in my life (my treatment, my emotions dealing with where my life is now, etc) that I just don't want certain people reading about.
I know there are always going to be people who take your heartache and pain and try to use it to try and further make the situation difficult. I guess that's life, but it's discouraging to realize people really are that cruel sometimes. It's also discouraging when you've been through this time and time again and ask to, please, stop being cyber-stalked. And even though nothing is being said by them right at this minute...you get on your traffic feed and see that the same person keeps frequenting your blog, and you KNOW without a doubt it has NOTHING to do with them being concerned for your well being and has EVERYTHING to do with their selfish desire to know as many details of your personal life as possible. Knowing you are under a constant microscope, and someone is waiting for you to 'mess up' so they can gripe about it is very disheartening. I guess more than anything, I just really feel like we are all just trying to do our best, and instead of picking each other apart (every chance we get), we should be more inclined to be supportive.
Because this is not the case, I just don't want the possibility to be there, for anything I post, to be brought up, out of spite, in future conversations. It makes me sick as I write this because I'm about 90% positive this post will cause that exact thing to happen as soon as it's read.
I've decided this blog will return to it's originality and will only have my recipes, scriptures/devotionals, and the fun blog activities I participate in during the week. I'm starting a second, 'private' blog to document the rest of this journey, working through the aftermath, and our personal family doings. If you want to continue to follow along with that aspect of our lives, shoot me an email (firstname.lastname@example.org) and I will add you as an approved reader.
Thank you for understanding.