Thursday, July 08, 2010


My aunt passed away last Wednesday.

Her memorial is today, 700 miles away, on an island off the coast of South Carolina.  I wish I was there with my mom.

Soon her ashes will be floating away in the beauty of the ocean.

Somehow it makes me have flashes of the movie 'Message in a Bottle'...being so in love with life and where you are despite the hardships of life.  Despite being away from all family, she loved Charleston, and going to the beach and watching the sunrise.  

Somehow in the magical time frame of sunrise, all the worries of life momentarily fade away.  It's breath-taking!

My grandma just told me last night that they found a lump on one my uncle's prostate.  He's only 31.  And another one just found out that he has cancer of the kidney's.

My husband's mother passed away in 2006 from brain cancer.  My husband says to me often, "I wish mom was around to see her; she'd love her."  In my heart, I know they've met.  I know Grandma Jan was there, along with God, with Breanna in that hospital operating room holding her hand so she wouldn't be scared.  I know she was there with her in the in between telling her "Baby, it's time to go back to mommy and daddy" when they took her off of her bypass machine, and her little body fought to come back to us.  In my heart, I know she (along with Chris's dad and step-dad) is watching over all of us every day.

My own step-mom fought a good battle with it 16 yrs ago. Fortunately, she won!

Last week, I found another lump in my right breast.  When I say another, it's because I've already had two lumpectomies. When I was pregnant with Kinsey I found out that I had a tumor that I'd have to have removed as soon as I recovered from having her.  She was 7 weeks old...I was 7 weeks out from having a c-section when I underwent my first lumpectomy.  Then when I was 23, the doctor found another one.  I had another surgery to have it removed.  Then when I was pregnant with Breanna we found out that I had high cervical dysplasia.  A year ago, at the age of 27, I had a hysterectomy.  So, I have an appointment next week to get the new lump examined.  Hopefully, it's just a benign tumor.

Is it normal to get to the point of it not surprising you anymore?

To have the attitude that it's just another mountain in life to conquer?!

Why does it seem that everyone is affected by cancer in one way or another these days?

Scientific research says that cancer can, in some cases, be avoided by just learning what the environmental risk factors are and avoiding them as much as possible.  

Is it possible that if everyone stopped smoking, drinking, started exercising 30 minutes every day, taking care of our environment, cut back on polluting the atmosphere as much as possible, and just tried to live as green as possible that the cancer rate would drop?

It's been stated that some are at a higher risk of developing cancer because of a mutated gene passed through their DNA. 

For me, knowing I could have possibly passed on a gene that may lead to my children getting cancer one day, is a very scary thought.


  1. i'll be praying for you.

    as i was reading some blogs the other day my heart was breaking for all the little kids who have cancer. i'm so paranoid of something being wrong with one of my boys and not knowing. i know i've gotten way worse about this since losing A.

    i told ryan that night that it seems EVERYONE has cancer anymore...

  2. I know. I cried and cried and cried as I read through little Ellie's battle.

  3. I am sorry Casondra. I will be praying for you!