Glorious Mystery

Last night I started reading the book "My Sister's Keeper". It's the story of parents who had a two year old daughter who was diagnosed with a rare lymphomia. To save her life, they had IV. A geneticist implanted the embreyo that had all the chromosones as their sick child. This child..another daughter...was born in essence to save her sister's life. This topic has raised an enormous amount of controversy. Most say it is extremely unethical, that it goes against nature. As I read the story from the mother's perspective, I feel her pain. I feel the heartbreaking desire to do anything within her own power to save her child. I also can't help but feel like this woman, this mother, isn't willing to give it to God, but instead trying to play God herself.

This morning as I sat down to pray about our upcoming week, Breanna's echocardiogram and our meeting with her cardiologist to see where we are at in terms of her next open heart surgery, I read Colossians Chapter 1.

1:27 says "To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of Glory"


Devotional Reading
"This is the mystery we were made to contain: the very life of Jesus. He means to live out the reality of who he is right here within the reality of who we are. He means to be our lives-the breath in our lungs, the thoughts in our heads, the energy and creativity in our jobs, the love in our hearts. He means to take on the stress and unravel the inner complications so that we can move through our lives just as he did, in gentleness and simplicity and harmony.

We were never intended to be more than containers:temples to contain his glory, branches to contain the sap of his life, vessels to contain the new wine of his Spirit. We are the glove; he is the hand. We are the cup; he is the coffee. We are the lamp; he is the light.

This is what we were made for. This is the intended purpose of the human person and personality; not to be gods, but to contain God. This is the kind of unity that was present in the garden but that is sadly missing in this world. It is the sheer simplicity of God's design that was shattered by humanity's sin. And it is the reason that Jesus came and cared and was torutred and killed and laid in a tomb and raised to life again...so that he could give us another shot at being what we WERE intended to be."

As I read this, I can't help but think of my dear friend Chelsa, who today, is giving her testimony in remembrance of the life her sweet, precious baby Andon. She needs our prayers today, as God works through her. Please lift her up in your prayers.

And please pray that we get good news (that Breanna's stenosis hasn't further progressed) at the cardiologist next Tuesday.

God Bless,

Eighteen Months

Today....

it has been 18 months since the day God worked through Dr. Brown and he saved Breanna's life.

Breanna was born September 30 at 31 weeks. All 4.5 pounds of her was the spitting image of her daddy. Before birth, we were told she had three markers for down syndrome, but we refused testing because of the high rate of miscarriage. And to us, it didn't really matter. She was our baby.

She entered the world at noon via c-section and we immediately knew she was not a down syndrome baby. In fact, she didn't even really have the look of a premature baby. She was actually quite a bit larger than most of the babies in the NICU.

The first few days drug on while we waited to hold her. According to the doctors, she was doing just fine, they were decreasing her oxygen levels, and had high hopes she would not stay intubated long. Huge relief for us.

Thursday, October 4th, was the day our life felt like it came crashing down around us. I had just gotten home from being released from the hospital. Was visiting with the girls, and waiting for Chris to get home, so we could go back down to the hospital. Right as he walked in the door, the phone rang.

It was the hospital.

Something was wrong. VERY wrong.

My head started spinning as one of the NICU doctors explained during her checkup that day he had thought he heard a murmur, so he called the cardiologist in for an echo. as a precautionary measure. The results they had were not good, and that he was now putting the cardiologist on the phone to speak with me.

'We found that you daughter has a condition called D-Transposition of the Great Arteries. She also has a very large hole between the chambers of her heart called a septal defect, and her atrioventricular canal is not formed all the way. This is a life threatening condition. We do have her stablized for the time being, but you need to get down her as fast as possible, so you can get the papers signed for Riley's lifeline team to come and transport her to Riley's.'

What? I don't understand. I dropped the phone and fell to the floor.

Chris thought I was in pain, since I had just had a c-section..he had no idea what I was about to tell him.

Panic. The girls. I tried calling both my parents and got no answer. Got grandma and she came rushing out to get the girls.

Chris and I headed to Evansville.

We got there, and she flatlined right in front of us. I stood there and watched while a team of nurses and doctors got her breathing again. I watched while my daughter was intubated right in front of me. Feeling like I was in a bad dream. How could this be reality?

The doctor explained to Lisa and I what needed to happen. I could not speak. I couldn't do anything. Finally, the doctor looked at me and said, 'honey, it's ok to cry.' I lost it.

October 5th, Breanna was lifelined to Riley's.

Honestly, October 5-15 were just a blur of days. Not sleeping. Being scared out of my mind. Not wanting to leave her bedside out of fear she would pass while I wasn't there with her. When I did leave to go sleep, I was still waking up every few hours to pump so the doctors could give her breastmilk through a feeding tube. It was the worst week and a half of my life.

A waiting game.

When's the day?

They had to shave her head to place a PICC line in. Her sweet, sweet Nurse Sam took a picture of her with a little bow in her hair before they shaved her head. And made me a scrapbook page with her picture, the bow, and the hair they shaved. Oh, how I cherished that page with every fiber of my being. I was amazed at how the nurses in the NICU loved the babies. How attached to them they got.

We found out just a few days before surgery when they decided she was to the point she wasn't stable enough to go on without surgery, even though she was not nearly as big as they wanted her to be. They were hoping to hit to 5 pound mark. (We never hit that before she left the hospital.)

Chris and I got to the hospital bright and early to spend some time with her before they took her away for surgery.

My dad told me something that will stick with me for the rest of my life. He said, "Casondra, if God decides to take her, I will still feel blessed that I got to spend 16 days with one of His angels."

As much as that hurt, as much as I didn't want to think about the possibilty of her death, he was right. But saying good-bye to her outside the operating room, knowing I may never see her alive again, was the single hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.

I thank God daily for having a husband who was strong enough to hold it together for me. Who held me up, when my knees went weak, and I couldn't hold it together anymore.

We walked to the waiting area, where our family and pastor were waiting.

We formed a circle and Tony prayed for God to lay His healing hand on Breanna, and for the comfort we needed to make it through the surgery.

God gave me comfort. He knew I couldn't handle the time length of the surgery. He gave me the strength to be still, and I slept.

Every hour during surgery they would come around and give updates on where they were in surgery, how things were going, etc. Hearing she was on by-pass was the hardest of all the news for me, because I knew there was a possibility her heart would not start back up. But everytime the nurse came around, we only got good news. She was doing great!

They last bit of information we got was, they are attempting to take her off of by-pass. If they are unsuccessful, the surgeon will scrub out and come talk to you about putting her on ECMO.

Well, about an hour passed and we got a phone calling telling us to come to the second floor same day surgery area to speak with the surgeon. Our hearts dropped.

We got down to the area where we were supposed to talk to the doctor, and waited for what seemed like an eternity. I am sure it was more like 4-5 minutes though. Dr. Brown came in and just looked at us for a moment.

PLEASE speak. Tell me what you need to tell me about my daughter.

About that time, he got a big smile on his face, and tells us, "Well, she came of bypass on the first attempt. She has minimal swelling, and we were able to close the sternum up."

Shock!!!

Chris and I looked at each other and laughed.

Thank you! Thank you! We can never tell you thank-you enough for saving our baby.

He said, "It's nothing really. I had to wear a little bit of stronger magnifying glasses because her heart is only the size of a small strawberry right now. Well, they are getting her set up in her Post-op room, you should be able to see her within a half hour."

Praise the Lord!

I know this picture will feel heartbreaking for some to see, but to us, it is the beauty of life! She's was still with us..she was ALIVE!

And 18 months later....HERE SHE IS......

Breanna's life, her story, is such a testimony to the power of prayer..to the miracles God DOES perform.

'With God, all things are possible'

I got a plaque today at Hobby Lobby that just jumped out at me. And I think it really speaks true..."instead of carrying the world on your shoulders, talk to the one who carries the universe on his"

I hope you all are enjoying your day as much as we are enjoying ours! We love you all!

Prayer for a Friend

Today after I got both the A's off for school, Kinsey, Breanna, and myself went to run a few errands.

In the car, we were jamming...yes, jamming at 8 am in the morning...to none other than the Casting Crown cd. Hands down, my current FAVORITE cd !!!
In Home Depot, it was taking me a while, because I was trying to find a certain type of tile to use for my demonstrations for Uppercase Living. Both girls were getting rambunctious, and Kinsey looks at me and says, "Mommy, I thought you said this wasn't going to take very long." HA,HA I did, in fact, tell her this prior to entering the store. I say, "Well, honey, we haven't really been in here very long." I think I got an eye roll with that.

After about thirty seconds she busts out in song. 'Lord, I lift my friend to you...."Ok..she has my attention. She sings a few lines of the song before I interrupt.

"Kins, I didn't realize you knew that song."

"Well, I do Mommy, " she said, "And I am singing to Jesus about T. He will help her, Mommy"

T is a friend of hers from school. They have become good friends over the past few months. I have encouraged it, despite the fact that I DO NOT agree with how this little girl is raised. Her parents openly curse and scream at their children. At 7 years old, she has a cell phone. The girls are allowed to do whatever they want, with little supervision. I could go on and on...

I had another parent..in the group of moms that my children play with, tell me she feels this little girl is a 'bad' influence on the other girls, and that the other girls should not play with her. I disagree! I think these other little girls are a positive influence in her chaotic life. Despite her upbringing..despite her faults (maybe them seem worse to some but in the grand scheme of things all sin is the same) , it is up to us to teach her about Jesus!

Back to mine and Kinsey's discussion....

"Mommy, she needs to be prayed for. She says the same bad words her mommy and daddy do. And we need to pray for her so she knows that is not the right thing to do."

"yes, Kinsey, you're right. We do. you are a very good friend for praying to Jesus to help her, but we also need to pray for her mommy and daddy too"

"Why Mommy?" she asks.

"Because we need to pray for them to find Jesus too."

We get back to the car, and I turn on the song Kinsey was singing in the store. It now, has a new meaning to me. My 6 year old, praying to our Mighty God, for one of her very best friends. Knowing that is the best thing she can do for her friend. Her little mind comprehends so much more than I give her credit for.

Here's the song she was singing:

Lord, I lift my friend to You,
I've done all that I know to do
I lift my friend to You
Complicated circumstances have clouded his view
Lord, I lift my friend up to You

I fear that I won't have the words that he needs to hear
I pray for Your wisdom, oh God,
and a heart that's sincere
Lord, I lift my friend up to You

Lord, I lift my friend to You
My best friend in the world, I know he means much more to You
I want so much to help him, but this is something he has to do
And Lord, I lift my friend up to You

'cause there's a way that seems so right to him
But You know where that leads
He's becoming a puppet of the world,
too blind to see the strings
Lord,I lift my friend up to You
My friend up to You

Lord, I lift my friend to You,
I've done all that I know to do
I lift my friend to You

LORD, as I end this blog, I have some unspoken request for friends who need to be lifted to you tonight. Shed the light of your love upon them. They need to feel your presence around them. They need the strength to keep believing during these very difficult times in their lives. You, and only you, can take away their pain.

I talked to Jesus

Yesterday started out like any other typical day in the Clement/Jack household...

Kids running around screaming, tearing up the house. Me..running around the house like a mad woman picking up after them...thinking, 'Today just might be the day that I pull my hair out'

I have been pretty upset since Tuesday evening. I found out the Jen, who is my ex husband's sister, and in my heart will always be like not only a sister but a dear friend as well, had her baby. From the point of delivery, he has not been doing so well. He is having alot of difficulty breathing. Tuesday she was not able to hold him...and oh, how my heart is breaking for her. I have been there and know how incredibly painful it is to see your child laying there and not be able to hold them. She did, finally, get to hold him on Wednesday, but he is still not doing well. Right now, they are saying it could either be pnuemonia or pulmonary hypertension. He will have to stay in the NICU after she is discharged. Her husband, who is deployed to Iraq, is home with her right now, and will be for about two more weeks, but I know this is very hard for them. And I wish so much that I could be up in Indy with her right now.

So anyways, my heart has been heavy with that. Then I find out that the girl's dad is NOT getting them over their spring break like he was supposed to, and I had to break the news to the girls. Why am I always forced to be the one to tell them hurtful things like this?

Kinsey went to her room after I told her, and I knew she was probably crying..but from previous experiences with this I have learned, and it is very hard, that I need to let her have her space to 'process and deal' with these things. Then let her come talk to me about it when she is ready.

I hate to admit it, but she is EXACTLY like me when it comes to dealing with obstacles.

At lunchtime, she looks at me and says, "Mommy, I was really upset about us not going to daddy's like we were supposed to." I said, "It's ok to be upset about it...do you want to talk about it?" "No," she says, "I talked to Jesus about it, and I feel better now."

Wow.

My six year old has the ability to turn to Jesus, to talk to Him, to lean on Him when things are difficult for her...but I struggle with it so much sometimes.

There is a beautiful song by Casting Crowns called 'Somewhere in the Middle'...and I think it describes most all of us, as Christians, trying to figure out where we are, what He has planned for us and doing it. We are in the middle of who we were before becoming Christians, and who He is working through us to make us become. The song truly touches me, every single time I listen to it.


Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle


I was listening to this CD when my oldest two got off of the school bus yesterday. Aidan and I sat down to do his homework...and I was asking him how his day went, etc. The conversation went something like this:

Me: How was school today?

A: Good. I got another 'green' star.

Me: I see that. I am really proud of you. And you also got a 100 on your math quiz....GREAT JOB!!! *we high-five*

A: Where did you get this music you are listening to?

Me: Wal-Mart

A: Who is it?

Me: Casting Crowns...they sing Christian music and praise Jesus.

A: Well, I really like it. Can you put it in my Ipod?

Me: You really want Casting Crowns in your Ipod?

A: Yeah, I really do. I really like it. And I want to take it to Brandon's so he can listen to it. (Brandon is our next door neighbor kid, and they take their Ipod's outside when they play together and listen to music).

YES...I have awesome children...I am fully aware of this fact! And yes, my children have their own Ipod's....and DS's/Leapster's...and Playstation 2/V-smile...and Wii...and.....yes, I know, they are a just little spoiled but they are awesome kids!

This picture is a little old, but it is one of my favorite of all four of them!

Unpresentable and My Little Organizer

Well, I hope you all had a good week-end. I know we did.

Saturday, Grammie Dee came and got the girls for awhile, to take them to a birthday party. Chris and I caught up on some much needed sleep. Thank you grandma!!! ha,ha

Sunday, we went to Josh's church. On top of being able to enjoy worshipping, we got to see some really good friends we haven't seen in awhile, and I was very thankful for that. After church, I dropped Chris off at the house...Aidan was going to be there soon, and went and got us all some lunch. When I got home, I found out Chris had given yet another tour of our home.


UGH!!!

I hadn't cleaned all weekend. The floors needed to be swept, things needed dusted. It was a wreck.

Off of Sunday and into our conversation

Me: I CAN NOT believe you showed the house off....it is filthy!

His response...."I think the house looks pretty good."

Me: No...no, it doesn't. It was unpresentable!

Chris: Well, I was showing off the 'storm shelter.'

Me: You did what? Not only did you show off the house....you showed off our horribly, unorganized closet.

Him: NO..I was showing off the storm shelter.

Me: The storm shelter IS in the floor of our closet. So, someone saw our closet.

Him: Who cares. It's a closet.



Did he seriously just say, 'Who cares?' I care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




In the midst of nearing a panic attack...he adds...well, you got compliments on your decor.

And he thinks that will make it all ok. lol



Is it just me, or does everyone else worry about these things too?


Because my hubs is practically convinced I am a nut-case and that I worry TOO much about these things.
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On a lighter note:


When it comes to cleaning...Breanna is now very much enjoying taking the canned goods, and other food out of the cabinet.

The other day, Breanna took all the pudding out of the cabinet. But when I went to pick it up...it was gone! Hmmmm....where did it go, I wondered. I opened the cabinet, and she had put them all back. Maybe Breanna is going to be my one child who actually likes to keep things picked up.

And now, back to our weekend....

after the near panic attack, we took the kids for a bike ride around the neighborhood. Ava got tired, so she climbed in the wagon with Breanna, and Chris attached her bike to the wagon so he could take it back home. Dropped it off, and rode down the street, to the next addition, and around.

On the way home the kids decided they wanted to go to the park, so we went home, loaded up and headed to the park.

Park 1 apparently wasn't too much fun so they decided we needed to go to the other park.

Load back up in the van, and go to park two. Aidan and Chris threw the football for awhile, and the girls played on the swings. (I can't believe I forgot the camera to our first outing of the year.)

After a while, the kids decided they were hungry and wanted to go to Sub-a-way, as Ava calls it. So, we went and had dinner, and then went to Home Depot to get some hedge clippers.

When we got home the kids invited ALL (and I mean all six) of the neighbor kids over to jump on the trampoline. It was a party in the backyard. Literally! Chris and I worked on the landscaping. It looks really pretty this time of year. My front porch is my favorite place....we just need to decide what kind of outdoor furniture to put out there.

The.Best.News

So, today was a pretty big day in the terms of a few things we have been anticipating...happened today.

For starters, A had her speech therapy assessment. After two hours of testing, a developmental therapist and speech therapist came out and spoke to me. They informed me that while A is on the border of having a speech impediment, and that they are going to suggest she be approved for the program, she is testing at the understanding of a 5 1/2-6 yr old. She just turned 4. The speech therapist went on to tell me that they believe if they can get her articulations corrected, so that she will communicate with others, we will find that we have an exceptionally smart child. That she answered questions and performed challenges they asked her to do during the two hour test, and they were pleasantly surprised she was able to do them because they would not expect her to be able to do them until a much older age.

Secondly... I, FINALLY, got to turn my heart monitor in to the cardiac center. YAH!!! No more wearing that bulky, very annoying thing. I meet with the dr. next Friday to discuss their findings, and where we go from here.

Now...the biggest news of all...Breanna's bloodwork was done and her A1C came back at......................................

5.5

Thank you, JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God is Great!

Basically, what this means is NO INSULIN! YAH! I still have to continue meal planning with her, and take fasting glucose readings once per day, and get A1C's done every three months but NO INSULIN!!!!!!!!!!! -at least for the time being.

I cried. Thank you Lord. This was.THE.BEST.NEWS!

I could not be any happier right now.

If her readings become irratic, or the next A1C is elevated we will have to start insulin, but not right now.

WOW!

I'd love to write a long post and go on and on about the joy I feel right now, but honestly, me....the talker of talkers....is pretty speechless! And in awe of God's work!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wrestling and Rambunctious Kids

A had his first wrestling meet tonight. It was a nice escape from what has become the 'normal' in our lives lately.

He did really well. I was impressed, to say the least.

The girls were wound up and not wanting to 'sit' on the bleachers. We finally gave in and just let them go play on the floor. At one point, Chris looked down at them and made a comment about all the kids down there rolling, crawling, scooting, etc around on the floor.

Have there ever been times in your lives when you have been embarrassed because your kids aren't proper and well behaved at all times? I looked down at them and thought, I really wish my kids weren't 'those kids'...the ones rolling around on the floor. But tonight, this is a battle I just simply don't want to fight. I want to enjoy being out amongst other adults. Not sitting in our house...focusing on what our life has become. No thoughts of meal planning, glucose checking, insulin shots, or heart monitors. Just us enjoying watching our children being entertained.

I praise God for the wonderful weather we are continuing to have. The sunshine does have the ability to brighten the spirit, and rejuvenate the soul.

Oh, how I wish it could stay daylight all day and night.

But I know that is not possible just like it was not possible to not come home, and be snapped back into reality.

It seems as though here lately we climb a small hill only to be standing at the foot of a mountain.

And this mountain I am standing at the bottom of is the steepest one I have had to climb.

My mind won't slow long enough to rest. Please pray specifically for this!

LORD, I need your comfort tonight. I love my daughter more than life itself, and I need the strength to keep believing this is all for a reason. That she is suffering for a reason. I know this is Your will. And that You are the same You were yesterday, and will be tomorrow. That you weep for Breanna just like I do. I just need You to remind me of that from time to time. I am only human, and I hurt for my child, the way You hurt for all of Your children.

One Step at a Time

Several months back, while I was at the Riley's NICU reunion, I was speaking to a group of parents who also had children with congential heart defects. They were out of South Bend and had started a group called 'Mended Little Hearts'. Many people don't realize this, but congential heart defects are America's #1 birth defect.

There were several booths set up that we walked around to see, and we talked to a large variety people. We visited with some of the nurses who took care of her during her stay at Riley's. We also got pictures taken, and won a gigantic gift basket of stuff.

Ok...getting off track with where I am going here. At one of the booths, I spoke to a women, who told me she was in charge of recruiting family members to become parent/patient representatives. She told me she was very touched by Breanna's story, from my eventful pregnancy to Breanna being the smallest baby Dr. Brown has performed the 'switch' procedure on to her 'miraculous' (when I say miraculous, I mean the doctors could not explain it, other than to say, they, themselves, knew God had performed a miracle) recovery. She asked me to become a 'representative', gave me the paperwork I needed to volunteer to do this, and told me that I would be compensated for my travel expenses because we live three hours, one-way, from the hospital.

Patient/parent representative. This term stuck in my head, but I really didn't give it alot of thought, because I thought I could never do something like this. I don't have the strength or courage.

Let me just tell you what this 'job' entails. I would have to speak at sporting events, Riley's charity functions, etc. to raise money for Riley's research and development. I would have to get up in front of hundreds, possibly thousands of people to tell her story. I thought, "You've got to be kidding me. I can't possibly do this." I was the person who got nervous in speech class, giving speeches in front of people I had known the biggest part of my life. How could I possibly speak in front of hundreds/thousands of people I don't know?

I got home from Indy that weekend, talked to Chris and my parents about it, and I decided I wasn't the 'right' person to be representing Riley's parents and children. But I couldn't manage to throw the paper in the trash, so I stuck it with all Breanna's paperwork from Riley's.

Recently, I was having trouble dealing with a particular issue in my life. One that I thought, I can handle on my own. I tried reluctantly to 'handle' it on my own, to deal with it how I thought it needed to be dealt with. I failed. I made a HUGE mess. A few weeks ago, I started praying really hard about the situation, hoping God would show me what I needed to do. It became clear. All I needed to do was give it to Him. For the first time, in over a year, I truly felt at peace.

From that point on, He has continued to make His Will VERY clear to me.

Psalm 116 spoke to me, and for the first time, in a long time, I really, whole heartedly listened.

I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;

he heard my cry for mercy.

Because he turned his ear to me,

I will call on him as long as I live.

The cords of death entangled me,

the anguish of the grave came upon me;

I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

The I called on the name of the LORD:

"O LORD, save me!"

The LORD is gracious and righteous;

our God is full of compassion.

The LORD protects the simplehearted;

when I was in great need, he saved me.

Be at rest once more, O my soul,

for the LORD has been good to you.

For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,

my eyes from tears,

my feet from stumbling,

that I may walk before the LORD

in the land of the living.

I believed; therefore I said,

'I am greatly afflicted."

12-14 say it all....

How can I repay the LORD

for all his goodness to me?

I will lift up the cup of salvation

and call on the name of the LORD.

I will fulfill my vows to the LORD

in the presence of all his people.

He is laying it on my heart, and I know if I trust in Him he will give me the strength and courage to fullfill my vow, to become a 'representative'. To not only speak for this hospital, for these parents and children, but to also testify of His love, and compassion for His children.

The devotional with this reading is about how to eat an elephant. I am going to paraphrase but it basically talks about how you can accomplish anything if you learn to just take one step at a time...one day at a time. That this is true in anything we do, whether it be all the things we have to accomplish, physical conditions we have to live with, or a broken heart that needs healing.

I think many times in our lives most of us wish we could somehow leave our problems behind, but we know that the world does not stop for us. We learn to dig in with whatever we have; we work our way through things slowly (taking baby steps at times...and taking one day at a time). Trusting that we have the solid Rock to lean upon! God is ALWAYS there. And how beautiful the truth of that is!!!

Please pray for me as I take these baby steps He wants me to take.

**side note** My kids love, and I mean absolutely love, to play hide'n'go seek. Breanna has started in on the fun with them. Yesterday, I turned cartoons on for her to watch while I did the dishes. When I was done, I walked in the living room, fully expecting to see her sitting in her little wooden rocking chair, but to my dismay she was not there. I thought, ok, I know she has not snuck up the stairs, because the babygate is in place. I walked around the first floor, calling her name. No Breanna. No giggles. No nothing. I searched each room, the master closet, cabinets, etc. I was starting to get in panic mode, when all of the sudden she peeks her head out between the kids coats. We have a 'mini' coat rack in the hallway going back to our utility room for the kids to hand their coats on. She has got behind them, and was hiding from mommy. What scared me half out of my mind, was a fun game to her. Had she not stuck her head out I am not sure how long it would have taken me to notice her little legs at the bottom of the coats. She giggled like it was the funniest thing that ever happened when I said, 'Oh there you are.'

Today, same thing, except I found her behind the couch we have in the computer room. When I found her, she covered her eyes, as if I couldn't see her if she couldn't see me. And this time, I was actually able to get a picture of it.

Brighter Side

**UPDATE**

Thought I might add a little humor to this blog by sharing a conversation I had with my oldest daughter today.

We had just got back to Jasper from Breanna's ped. appointment. I had to run home and get my glucose meter and take it back to him, so he could look at Breanna's readings from the past two days.

Anyways, I ran in the house real quick, and when I got back out to the van Kinsey proceeds to ask me if 'sexy' was a bad word. What?! Where did this come from, I thought to myself. Before I could even answer that question I realized where she heard it...Kenny Chesney's 'She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy' was playing on the radio. I told her that even though it is not necessarily a 'bad' word, she is too young to use it in her vocabulary. The look of confusion on her face was priceless.

It just goes to show that young children do pick up what they hear, and try to process it.

**ORIGINAL POST**

I had a sweet friend of mine, and fellow Riley's parent, tell me yesterday, that even after everything we have been through I always manage to see the 'brighter side' of things.

Oh, how I wish that were true.

I wish my heart was always able to see the brighter side of things.

However, I do believe that with the strength of God, and the influence of the very wise men that I am blessed to call my dad and grandpa, I have learned to look at obstacles in life with perspective. I try to not sweat the small things, to 'pinch' my daily irritants, and keep my annoyances in perspective. I believe, if you miniaturize your problems, they can become laughable and lose the power to frustrate you.

However, there have been many times in life that I have not been able to miniaturize problems simply by pinching them. Personal trials have come crashing in like unwelcome guest. There have been times that I have not been able to run, hide, or push out my pain; I had to live through it.

Many, and I mean many, times in my life I have had what my brothers, sisters and I would call 'the talk' with my dad about where I am at in my relationship with God. And I know many of those times he has probably felt like I wasn't really listening. But I was. And I thank God daily for his 'talks'.

His response to every struggle I have faced in life...complications with my pregnancies, my diabetes, going through my divorce and feeling as though I had failed my girls, Breanna's health problems, etc...dad has simply told me to 'Pray about it'.

Phillipians 4:6-7 are the veruses I would like to share today.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request
to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus

I know that I can not escape suffering in this life, but I know that with my faith strengthened, I can still have peace.

I know some of you are probably thinking, but pain and peace do not, can not go together. But I believe they can if you have the right perspective.

My thoughts on perspective. And it is just that..my thoughts. Feel free to not agree.

It's not about worrying, but rather being honest with God about your needs. Focusing on what you are thankful for, instead of the things that are going astray. Fixing your thoughts on the 'high' things, and not the low. Being aware of what you have learned, are learning, and applying what you know is right. And finally, I believe it is about opening yourself to God's peace.

My goal in life is to not sweat the small things-rather 'pinch' them!

And even through more serious trials, I'll try to remember that the summer of life inevitably turns to winter. The grand picnic will be remembered either as a battle against pesky flies, or the feast of ripe fruit...depending on your perspective.


Dear Jesus, as I walk this road with you, please give me the continued strength to 'pinch' the small things, and turn to you during it all, not just the storm. I give you all the Glory. I continue to pray for my friends who are also going through storms in their lives... LORD, lift these dear friends of mine up today. Let the sun shine into their lives, so their spirits feel renewed. I ask this in Your name. Amen


I want to share a video, well really the song. It truly touches me everytime I listen to it.

Shattered

Yesterday, Breanna had an appointment at Riley's Childrens Hospital. There were a few things I have been concerned about that I needed to discuss with the doctor, but overall I felt like the appointment would be routine, that my concerns would be diminished with simple 'fixes', and that it would just be another 'She's beautiful...doing great...keep up the good work' appointment.

So, the nurse practioner comes in, as she always does before we meet with the pediatric developmental specialist, and says she sees that I am concerned about the fact that Breanna has lost a pound in the past month. I said, 'Yes, I just don't understand it, considering the amount of whole milk and food she eats." I went on to ask her, if this was something caused by her metabolic rate, heart condition, etc. She said, "She didn't believe so, and that she was very concerned about it as well." She checked her over, told me Breanna is weight wise only at the percentage a 7 month old should be, and the height of a 9-10 month old. She, again, said she was very worried about this and would be back in a few minutes with the specialist to discuss what they think the 'problem' could be. At this point, my mind is racing. Why didn't she just tell me what she thinks is wrong?

The next five minutes seemed like an hour.

The doctor came in and said, "A dietician will be in shortly to discuss 'meal planning' with you." My heart sank...everything blurred. I knew what she was about to say..........LORD, NO....please no...don't let the words I think I am about to hear come out of Dr. Lytle's mouth. How can my baby have diabetes? Why? Hasn't she been through enough? "with her A1C coming back a little high, her rapid weight lost, increased appetite, excessive drinking and urinating, we believe Breanna is diabetic." I was screaming inside my head!

I lost it! I mean, completely, lost it. Dr. Lytle was trying so hard to be comforting...but the fact of the matter is unless you live with the disease, you can not understand how it makes you feel. You don't truly understand the impact it has, the changes in your life you have to make. The hassle of checking your sugar, of giving yourself insulin injections.

I gathered myself enough to ask her, "Where do we go from here?" Well, we need to start with checking her glucose level in the mornings and after meals, so that we can get an average to know what we are dealing with (her highs and lows) to determine treatment. She said, "Kids who are diagnosed early on have a much easier time of dealing with the disease, because they don't know life to be any different. Living this is their way of life." However true that may be, it still wasn't comforting to my heart.

The appointment lasted a while longer, and we discussed alot of things that I already know from dealing with my own diabetes, but didn't know if they would be different because of her being an infant. I met with the pediatric dietician to discuss meal planning for her. It is a little different than mine, but not alot, so that is good. As a family, we all overall eat healthy because of me having diabetes.

I left the appointment with ALOT...and I mean alot...of mixed emotions. I was so angry. I spent half the car ride home, sobbing, yelling at God. She has been through so much already, and just when we thought things were going in our favor with her health....BAM....this gets thrown at us. WHY?!?!?!?!?!

About halfway home, a peace came over me. My child...you ARE prepared to deal with this. I HAVE given you the strength and knowledge to deal with this, and will continue to do so. Trust in me.

YES..God, you are right! I have already been here once before. I truly believe with all my heart, that my onset of diabetes as a young adult has made me prepared and able to take care of this beautiful child. A child who can not speak and tell me when she is feeling bad. This child who I have learned to read all so well. Dealing with my disease, learning about it inside and out, knowing the 'warning' signs has prepared me to take care of her. To be able to spot her 'warning' signs. To know when she doesn't feel well. To know how to care for her.

Last night, as I laid in bed praying...praising God for all the wonderful things he has given me, instead of questioning all the bad...I remembered a passage I heard a sermon on back when I was younger about Jesus healing a man who was born blind. The passage is John 9:1-5

As he went along, he saw a man
blind from birth. His disciples
asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this
man or his parents, that he was born blind."
"Neither this man nor his parents
sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened
so that the work of God might be displayed
in his life. As long as it is day,
we must do the work of him who sent
me. Night is coming, when no one can
work. While I am in the world, I am the
light of the world."

The rest of John 9 goes on to talk about how Jesus spit on the ground and made mud to put on this man's eyes. And when he came home from the Pool of Siloam able to see, his neighbors did not believe it was him. They thought he was a man who just looked like him. He told them he was indeed himself, and what Jesus had done to heal him.

The devotional that goes along with this particular scripture talks about broken, shattered glass.

It says, "Shattered glass is full of a thousand different angles, each one able to pick up a ray of light and shoot it off in a thousand directions. That doesn't happen with plain glass, such as a jar. The glass must be broken into many pieces.

What's true of shattered glass is true of a broken life. Shattered dreams. A heart full of fissures. Hopes that are splintered. A life in pieces that appears to be ruined. But given time and prayer, such a person's life can shine more brightly than if the brokenness had never happened. When the light of the Lord Jesus falls upon a shattered life, that believer's hopes can be brightened.

Only our great God can reach down into what otherwise would be brokeness and produce something beautiful. With him, nothing is wasted. Every broken dream and heart that hurts can be redeemed by his loving, warm touch. Your life may be shattered by sorrow, pain, or sin, but God has in mind a kaleidoscope through which his light can shine more brilliantly."

Psalm 34:18 also talks about this.

The LORD is close to the
brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed
in spirit.

And Psalm 51:17

The sacrifices of God are a broken
spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.


As I pray about the situation before me, I can not help but think of my dear, sweet friend Chelsa who just a month ago lost her precious baby Andon. And Christine and Ryan Maglinger, another Riley's family from Evansville, who lost their precious baby Sadie when she was 4 months old. And all the other mothers out there whose precious little ones are sitting at the feet of our LORD, rejoicing. And all the other mothers who have sick children, who want so desperately to be able to take away their child(ren)'s pain. To protect them. Who hurt because they know it is out of their hands, and that the only thing they can do is give it to God.

Please, when you pray for our family today, pray for all those other mothers and father as well.

Mondays~Gray Days

I don't know what it is about Monday's, but for some reason, they almost always seem slow and depressing to me. It's the start of the week, and I have so much to do, but I just can't seem to get motivated. They feel just like gray days. Days that are draining, when I just want the strength to get up and 'dance'

This morning as a was reading some scripture I came across a devotional about gray days. It always seems that everytime I open my Bible, I find a reading about whatever is going on in my life or how I am feeling. I know it is God speaking to me, so loud and clear.

The passage is Psalm 28

To you I call, O Lord my Rock;
do not turn a deaf ear to me.
For if you remain silent,
I will be like those who have gone
down to the pit
Har my cry for mercy
as I call to you for help,
as I lift my hands
toward your Most Holy Place.

Do not drag me away with the
wicked,
who speak cordially with their
neighbors
but harbor malice in their hearts.
Repay them for their deeds
and for their evil works;
repay them for that their hands
have done
and bring back upon them what they deserve.
Since they show no regrd for the
works of the LORD
and what his hands have done,
he will tear them down
and never build them up again.

Praise be to the LORD,
for he has heard my cry for mercy.
The LORD is my strendth and my
shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am
helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in
song.

The LORD is the strenght of his
people,
a fortress of salvation for his
annointed one.
Save your people and bless your
inheritance;
be their shephard and carry them forever.

The devotional reading is called Dancing Leaves

Another gray, dreary day. Wind, rain, sleet, snow. Ah, the variety of ways the weather can dampen my spirits. The overcast skies rob the color from my world and I feel alone. Gray days feel like Mondays-days full of too much to do and too little time. Days with responsibilities crowding in and joy crowding out. Gray days.

Yet in the road are dancing leaves. Leaves swirling in circular patterns across the streets. Dancing leaves, you dance in circles, going nowhere in particular. Don't you know today is bitter and cold? Dont' you realize the wind is making your world an unfriendly place? Under gray skies and nasty weather, today is a day of overcoasts pulled tight and hats pulled low.

Still you dance. Crusty brown leaves, wrinkled and lifeless, you dance. Yet this dance is not your own. Let to your own volition, you'd be sitting in the nearest compost pile. No, this dance of yours comes from a source completely other than your ring of swirling leaves. The dance of yours is a defiant on, a dance which laughs at the melancholy gray.

Dancing leaves, your defiance is contagious.

Spirit of the living God,
Surround my dreary world today
And set my feet to dancing.
The silent song of days gone gray,
A heart that's heavy laden,
Won't have the last, the final say.
I know a song of dancing leaves,
The swirl and twirl despite the gray.
Spirit of the living God,
Set my feet to dancing


Author of Dancing Leaves: Debra Klingsporn

This and That

As most of you know, soon after we got to Riley's on Monday we discovered Breanna needed surgery immediately. They ran three different hearing screenings on her, and discovered she is partially deaf in her right ear, and she had negative pressure in both ears. Which basically means she was at high risk for the ear drums rupturing and it affecting her hearing even more.

Dr. Agostino spoke with me about the obstruction in her airways, and how if this problem was not taken care of immediately, Breanna would indeed need her second open heart surgery sooner than later. Her not having appropriate SpO(2) levels could/would speed up the progression of her pulmonary stenosis.

When he said, "surgery ASAP" I was thinking, ok, sometime in the next month. OH NO! We walked out of the consult room, and he had me sign a consent for surgery form, and told the nurse he wanted surgery scheduled immediately. Talk about anxiety!!! I called Chris at work, and told him they wanted to do the surgery the next day, as long as they could get clearance from her cardiologist. Because she is such high risk for anesthesia...because she is a cardiac patient, and because she is only 16 months and still under 20 pounds...her cardiologist had to clear the surgery. So, Breanna and I waited around Riley's for 6 hours before the ENT department called to confirm the surgery time. 7:30 a.m. We would need to be at the hospital at 6 a.m. for them to get her ready. They also said there was a good possibility she would need to stay at Riley's for several days post-op.

I went and got us a hotel room, and my friends Evan and Kendra met me and Breanna at the hotel so we could go get some dinner, and keep our my mind off of everything for awhile. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings, and Breanna ate SOOO much food. Maybe she sensed she wouldn't be able to eat normal food for a few day. haha. Anyways, Evan left once we got back to the hotel, but Kendra stayed until Chris arrived, so she could visit with him for awhile too.

Before bed, we got a call from the hospital saying they had changed Breanna's surgery time to 9:30, so we didn't have to be at the hospital until 8 a.m. We were glad we were going to be able to get a little more sleep, but dreading it at the same time, because we knew it was going to be hard on Breanna because she couldn't eat anything.

We got the hospital right at 8, and got her all checked in. We were on the second floor, so she got to walk around and see all the Disney stuffed animals they have around the outside of the glass and she loved it.

A little before 9 we went back in the Pre-Op room, and got her changed into her hospital gown, talked with the surgeon, the anesthesologist, and a few other people. Around 9:30 a.m. they came in and gave her some meds to make her 'relaxed' so she wouldn't have so much anxiety when the nurse came to take her from us to take her to the operating room. Boy, did it ever make her out of it. She could not stop giggling, or keep her eyes open for that matter. Finally, around 10:15 the nurse came to get her, and she only fussed a little bit when I handed her to the nurse.

We went and checked in with the registar in the waiting area, and then went downstairs to get some breakfast. By time we got back up there, I spoke with my mom and dad on the phone to tell them they had taken her back for surgery, and the nurse came walking around to give everyone their updates on how their children's surgeries were going. Our report: Well, the tonsilectomy and adnoidectomy are both complete, they are finishing up putting her tubes in her ears now. And then the surgeon will be up to speak with you. WOW! We were told the surgery would take 2-3 hours...it has been like an hour. About another twenty minutes goes by and the surgeon comes to speak with us. He said,"We had a little bit of a shock. When they went in to look at her voicebox (they thought they might have to take part of it out) they saw that a lobe in her right lung is undeveloped. But other than that surgery exceptionally well. That she was breathing unassisted so they weren't going to put her in a post-op ICU room like originally planned. They were just going to put her in an observation room, and if she did fine throughout the night, we could take her home on Wednesday. " He went on about how large her adnoids were...courtesy of the medication -prostagladin- she was on pre-open heart surgery. Then he chuckled, and said, she's a trooper. Did so much better than we anticipated....but I bet you two are used to that with her, aren't you? Well, at least as used to it as you can be with having a child who has health problems.

We got to go back to recovery about 20 minutes later, and she was awake when we got back there. I held her and she went back to sleep. They even let me carry her from the recovery room to her observation room. Which made me happy, because truthfully, I didn't want to put her down. About an hour after they moved her to observation...she was sleeping comfortably, so Chris and I decided to go back to the hotel and take a nap. When we woke up he left to go home, since he had to go back to work the next day. And I went back to the hospital. When I got there she was just waking up, and they were trying to get her to drink. Thankfully, I had brought her favorite sippy cause she would not drink out of the cup they gave her. As soon as they put her juice in 'her sippy' she drank two full cups~16 ounces. They said if she kept that up, they would take her IV out.

We sat for about an hour, and she was ready to go. She crawled out of my lap and tried taking off out the door...attached to the IV still. The nurse came in and disconnected her, and she and I went for a walk around the hospital. We rode the elevator up and down nearly a dozen times. It is glass and you can see the fountain from it....and she loves it. Needless to say, I was feeling a little sick by time we stopped riding it. But whatever, it was making her happy. We got a wagon and I pulled her around, and she loved that too. I think anything that kept her from being couped up in that room.

Around 9 p.m. I left to go get some dinner and go back to the hotel. I called the hospital to check on her, and they said she had woke back up and the nurse had taken her for another wagon ride around the hall. She fell asleep in the wagon, so they left her there so they wouldn't disturb her, so she was sleeping in her wagon at the nurses station. I'm convinced her nurse just loved her that much that she didn't want to have her out of sight. :)

I got back over to the hospital around 6:30 and the doctor came in not long after. He talked to me about her discharge, managing her pain, etc. and said she was free to go after she ate regular food and held it down. So, around 8 they brought her some scrambled eggs, and she did really well with them. By 8:30 a.m. we were on our way home.

This girl never ceases to amaze me!!!

She did phenominal on the car ride home. She has been a little cranky at times, but nothing like I would have expected her to be considering everything she had done. She has been running around the house, playing with the kids, and laughing like usual.

On a lighter note, I received my Uppercase Living Products I ordered last week. I got them all put up last night, and I couldn't be more pleased with the way they turned out..so I thought I would share them.

This is above our bed. It is Italian for "Love is Beautiful"

This is on the wall you see when you look in my utility room

Growth Chart in Breann's room

My front door

Above my back door

Shock Absorbers

One passage that I think we, as Christians, hear often is Do to others as you would have them do to you. I've struggled with this verse alot over the past few years. I try to be a good person..to be a good mom, wife, friend, etc. I try to help people whenever they as for help. But how can you continue be nice to a person who constantly attacks you? Who says things about not only you, but your children? Who openly admits to being jealous of things you have...and constantly complains to my spouse about how exhausted they are. We are exhausted too....I mean, Chris works 60 hours a week plus an hour commute each day, and we have four little kids, I stay home because of Breanna's medical problems because it is simply not a wise decision to put her in daycare. We struggle just like everyone else. And are constantly telling this person this, even though really, it is none of their business.

It seems like everytime I let things go, and try to move on, something else happens. Something else gets said. And it is truly the only time in my life where I have struggled to just walk away and not say anything back. I guess I just really don't understand how someone can sit there and claim they are so happy with their life, themself, etc. but constantly try and bring grief to my life...and then play the scenario off like they are the 'VICTIM'. Maybe I will never understand it. But I know I am tired of letting it eat at me all the time. I'm tired of giving this person my time and energy trying to understand why they can't just spend the time and energy they spend focusing on mine and my husband's life, on their own life.

I have been praying for some time that God will give me the strength to come at this situation from a different angle. That no matter what this person says to or about me, that I can turn the other cheek, so to speak. I came across some scripture this morning that spoke to me about what I have been dealing with. It's Luke 6:27-31, and the devotional reading is exactly what I needed to read.

(27) But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, (28) bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. (29) If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes you cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. (30) Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs you to, do not demand it back. (31) Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Here's the devotional reading:

Considering the increasing violence around us, what our society needs is some good, heavy-duty shock absorbers. If only we could wrap everybody in felt pads before they went out for the day! Unfortunately.....we are enormously complicated creatures. We feel injuries not only in our bodies but also in our emotions. And sometimes deep wounds in our inner selves fester for years, causing us to reach out and hurt anyone who comes near us. One painful blow to our psyche can create the motive for innumerable blows outward in the years to come.

The Old Testament law was very explicit: an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth. Harsh as it seems to us now, this principle was a vast improvement. Before then, a person's life might have been demanded for that eye or tooth, or two eyes might have been put out in exchange for the loss of one. Again and again our human nature wants to 'teach people a lesson' or make things worse for them than they made it for us. We see revenge as a way of getting back, of making ourselves whole again. But it never works.

The solution Jesus offers is radical. There is no question of revenge or even bare restitution. He suggests simply that we become the shock absorbers of the world.

To receive a blow and to refuse to pass it on is an act that requires extraordinary generosity. For most people, it does not come naturally. We are too hard and resistant to be able to absorb the effect of an injury before we pass it on to a neighbor. We must become softer, gentler, more loving people, receiving a blow but unable by the fabric of our lives to transmit the force of it.

Love and forgiveness are the special vocation of the Christian, and when we exercise them we are able to find healing for our own wounds and offer balm for the healing of others.

Please pray for me that I can become a better shock absorber. That I won't let this negativity continue to bring me down. That I can see that this person is lashing out because of their own struggles, and that I will have the strength to turn to God and pray for this persons troubled heart, instead of wanting to attack them back.

Contentment

Lately, there have been some things in my life that have been weighing heavily on me. I will not go into details...but tonight as I was reading my Bible I stumbled across I Corinthians 12. I think the devotional reading that went along with it speaks volumes, and I'd like to share it.

It's called...Being Our Best

for most of our life, I think we fight God. we keep trying to show him what we were made for. we keep giving him better ideas. we keep working for something bigger and greater than anything he seems to have in mind. for many of us, by the time we are in mid-life, we feel we somehow missed out on some of the great things we were born for. we fight with God over this.

God made me with special ideas in mind, but I wish I could have been in on the planning...my skin would have been more olive-colored & flawless, my hair more coarse, with some curl in it. my shoulders broader. my eyes wider-spaced. i would have completely removed the lazy part in me that I have to fight with all the time.

I come to you, however, knowing God made me not to impress you. not to be on book covers. not to be an authority. not to be perfect or a genius. not to make a million dollars!

God made me to be uncomplicated in my faith. to watch my children & kites & sunsets & rainbows & enjoy them. to take your hand regardless of who you are or how you look. to listen to you. to accept you right where you are. to love you unconditionally.

God made me to be real. to be honest. to be open. to never compare myself to you, but to strive to become my own best person. to have character & dignity.

The additional scripture reading to go along with this is: Job 5: 6-9(6)For hardship does not spring from the soil, nor does trouble sprout from the ground. (7) Yet man is born to trouble surely as sparks fly upwards. (8) But if it were I, I would appeal to God; I would lay my cause before him. (9) He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted.

When Breanna was getting ready to have her open heart surgery, my family pastor drove to Indy to be with us & to pray with us during the surgery. He referred to that very verse....'God performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted.' We witnessed that every hour they came out during the 11 hour surgery telling us how smoothly her surgery was going. Everyone was praying that He would give me the peace to make it through the surgery...and very few people know this...but except for the times they would come out to update us throughout the surgery...I slept. He eased my heart...and healed my child! What an awesome God we serve!!!

Prayers

Are there ever times when you wonder why God does the things he does?

I know His plan is perfect, but sometimes I still wonder...'God, are you sure?' I have several people I am praying for right now, and I'd like to share a few details about each one of them.

My friend, Chelsa, is burying her child today. And I can not begin to imagine how bad her heart hurts. She's a strong Christian woman, and has been so courageous during the difficult time. But I find myself asking God...why her? Why is this Your plan??? Why would You take her sweet, precious boy, the one it took You so long to give her? Why take this child from THIS mother? It just doesn't seem fair. I pray for Chelsa to have the strength to make it through this most difficult day. It's been raining all day.... I know God is crying with her today. Mourning the loss of her sweet angel.

My ex-sister in law, is now about 33 weeks pregnant, as well, with her third child. She's a labor and delivery nurse...three boys at home, all 8 and under ( 2 are her biological sons and 1 is her step-son who she has full-time bc his mother is passed)...and her husband is in Iraq. She has been having a TON of complications with this pregnancy. The baby has failed the last two NST, and she is having alot of contractions. I pray if they have to deliver, she will have the strength to handle having a baby in the NICU. She sees this everyday at work, but you can't understand what it does to a person until you have a child in there.

One of my best friends dad...he adopted her as an infant...is basically turning his back on her once again. They have had alot of problems in the past, but she continually tries to work on their relationship, so that he can have one with her children. He has never met her youngest child, and it tears her up inside. But everytime she tries to confront him about the issues they have had, and how it has impacted her, he backs away. He calls himself her 'step-dad' and tells her he can only be in her life as a friend. This is very heart-breaking for her....but I know at this point the only thing we can do is pray for his heart.

My sweet Breanna....I'm pretty nervous about her upcoming surgery. Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair that she has been through some much during the short time she has been with us. But I know, we are more lucky than most. She could have been at Riley's for much, much longer than she was after her open heart surgery. We could have already had to have the second procedure. Right now, we are dealing with sleep apnea. That seems pretty minor compared to what we could be facing right now. But it is still scary. I just pray God gives her the comfort to be able to breathe right when she sleeps, so that she can get a good nights rest.

Please...take a moment to say a silent prayer with me.

I haven't posted any recent pictures of the kids...my friend, Amanda, is supposed to be making me a header with all the kids pictures, so I am anxious to see how 'cool' it turns out.