One Step at a Time

Several months back, while I was at the Riley's NICU reunion, I was speaking to a group of parents who also had children with congential heart defects. They were out of South Bend and had started a group called 'Mended Little Hearts'. Many people don't realize this, but congential heart defects are America's #1 birth defect.

There were several booths set up that we walked around to see, and we talked to a large variety people. We visited with some of the nurses who took care of her during her stay at Riley's. We also got pictures taken, and won a gigantic gift basket of stuff.

Ok...getting off track with where I am going here. At one of the booths, I spoke to a women, who told me she was in charge of recruiting family members to become parent/patient representatives. She told me she was very touched by Breanna's story, from my eventful pregnancy to Breanna being the smallest baby Dr. Brown has performed the 'switch' procedure on to her 'miraculous' (when I say miraculous, I mean the doctors could not explain it, other than to say, they, themselves, knew God had performed a miracle) recovery. She asked me to become a 'representative', gave me the paperwork I needed to volunteer to do this, and told me that I would be compensated for my travel expenses because we live three hours, one-way, from the hospital.

Patient/parent representative. This term stuck in my head, but I really didn't give it alot of thought, because I thought I could never do something like this. I don't have the strength or courage.

Let me just tell you what this 'job' entails. I would have to speak at sporting events, Riley's charity functions, etc. to raise money for Riley's research and development. I would have to get up in front of hundreds, possibly thousands of people to tell her story. I thought, "You've got to be kidding me. I can't possibly do this." I was the person who got nervous in speech class, giving speeches in front of people I had known the biggest part of my life. How could I possibly speak in front of hundreds/thousands of people I don't know?

I got home from Indy that weekend, talked to Chris and my parents about it, and I decided I wasn't the 'right' person to be representing Riley's parents and children. But I couldn't manage to throw the paper in the trash, so I stuck it with all Breanna's paperwork from Riley's.

Recently, I was having trouble dealing with a particular issue in my life. One that I thought, I can handle on my own. I tried reluctantly to 'handle' it on my own, to deal with it how I thought it needed to be dealt with. I failed. I made a HUGE mess. A few weeks ago, I started praying really hard about the situation, hoping God would show me what I needed to do. It became clear. All I needed to do was give it to Him. For the first time, in over a year, I truly felt at peace.

From that point on, He has continued to make His Will VERY clear to me.

Psalm 116 spoke to me, and for the first time, in a long time, I really, whole heartedly listened.

I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;

he heard my cry for mercy.

Because he turned his ear to me,

I will call on him as long as I live.

The cords of death entangled me,

the anguish of the grave came upon me;

I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

The I called on the name of the LORD:

"O LORD, save me!"

The LORD is gracious and righteous;

our God is full of compassion.

The LORD protects the simplehearted;

when I was in great need, he saved me.

Be at rest once more, O my soul,

for the LORD has been good to you.

For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,

my eyes from tears,

my feet from stumbling,

that I may walk before the LORD

in the land of the living.

I believed; therefore I said,

'I am greatly afflicted."

12-14 say it all....

How can I repay the LORD

for all his goodness to me?

I will lift up the cup of salvation

and call on the name of the LORD.

I will fulfill my vows to the LORD

in the presence of all his people.

He is laying it on my heart, and I know if I trust in Him he will give me the strength and courage to fullfill my vow, to become a 'representative'. To not only speak for this hospital, for these parents and children, but to also testify of His love, and compassion for His children.

The devotional with this reading is about how to eat an elephant. I am going to paraphrase but it basically talks about how you can accomplish anything if you learn to just take one step at a time...one day at a time. That this is true in anything we do, whether it be all the things we have to accomplish, physical conditions we have to live with, or a broken heart that needs healing.

I think many times in our lives most of us wish we could somehow leave our problems behind, but we know that the world does not stop for us. We learn to dig in with whatever we have; we work our way through things slowly (taking baby steps at times...and taking one day at a time). Trusting that we have the solid Rock to lean upon! God is ALWAYS there. And how beautiful the truth of that is!!!

Please pray for me as I take these baby steps He wants me to take.

**side note** My kids love, and I mean absolutely love, to play hide'n'go seek. Breanna has started in on the fun with them. Yesterday, I turned cartoons on for her to watch while I did the dishes. When I was done, I walked in the living room, fully expecting to see her sitting in her little wooden rocking chair, but to my dismay she was not there. I thought, ok, I know she has not snuck up the stairs, because the babygate is in place. I walked around the first floor, calling her name. No Breanna. No giggles. No nothing. I searched each room, the master closet, cabinets, etc. I was starting to get in panic mode, when all of the sudden she peeks her head out between the kids coats. We have a 'mini' coat rack in the hallway going back to our utility room for the kids to hand their coats on. She has got behind them, and was hiding from mommy. What scared me half out of my mind, was a fun game to her. Had she not stuck her head out I am not sure how long it would have taken me to notice her little legs at the bottom of the coats. She giggled like it was the funniest thing that ever happened when I said, 'Oh there you are.'

Today, same thing, except I found her behind the couch we have in the computer room. When I found her, she covered her eyes, as if I couldn't see her if she couldn't see me. And this time, I was actually able to get a picture of it.