Kids running around screaming, tearing up the house. Me..running around the house like a mad woman picking up after them...thinking, 'Today just might be the day that I pull my hair out'
I have been pretty upset since Tuesday evening. I found out the Jen, who is my ex husband's sister, and in my heart will always be like not only a sister but a dear friend as well, had her baby. From the point of delivery, he has not been doing so well. He is having alot of difficulty breathing. Tuesday she was not able to hold him...and oh, how my heart is breaking for her. I have been there and know how incredibly painful it is to see your child laying there and not be able to hold them. She did, finally, get to hold him on Wednesday, but he is still not doing well. Right now, they are saying it could either be pnuemonia or pulmonary hypertension. He will have to stay in the NICU after she is discharged. Her husband, who is deployed to Iraq, is home with her right now, and will be for about two more weeks, but I know this is very hard for them. And I wish so much that I could be up in Indy with her right now.
So anyways, my heart has been heavy with that. Then I find out that the girl's dad is NOT getting them over their spring break like he was supposed to, and I had to break the news to the girls. Why am I always forced to be the one to tell them hurtful things like this?
Kinsey went to her room after I told her, and I knew she was probably crying..but from previous experiences with this I have learned, and it is very hard, that I need to let her have her space to 'process and deal' with these things. Then let her come talk to me about it when she is ready.
I hate to admit it, but she is EXACTLY like me when it comes to dealing with obstacles.
At lunchtime, she looks at me and says, "Mommy, I was really upset about us not going to daddy's like we were supposed to." I said, "It's ok to be upset about it...do you want to talk about it?" "No," she says, "I talked to Jesus about it, and I feel better now."
Wow.
My six year old has the ability to turn to Jesus, to talk to Him, to lean on Him when things are difficult for her...but I struggle with it so much sometimes.
There is a beautiful song by Casting Crowns called 'Somewhere in the Middle'...and I think it describes most all of us, as Christians, trying to figure out where we are, what He has planned for us and doing it. We are in the middle of who we were before becoming Christians, and who He is working through us to make us become. The song truly touches me, every single time I listen to it.
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me
Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle
Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle
Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle
I was listening to this CD when my oldest two got off of the school bus yesterday. Aidan and I sat down to do his homework...and I was asking him how his day went, etc. The conversation went something like this:
Me: How was school today?
A: Good. I got another 'green' star.
Me: I see that. I am really proud of you. And you also got a 100 on your math quiz....GREAT JOB!!! *we high-five*
A: Where did you get this music you are listening to?
Me: Wal-Mart
A: Who is it?
Me: Casting Crowns...they sing Christian music and praise Jesus.
A: Well, I really like it. Can you put it in my Ipod?
Me: You really want Casting Crowns in your Ipod?
A: Yeah, I really do. I really like it. And I want to take it to Brandon's so he can listen to it. (Brandon is our next door neighbor kid, and they take their Ipod's outside when they play together and listen to music).
YES...I have awesome children...I am fully aware of this fact! And yes, my children have their own Ipod's....and DS's/Leapster's...and Playstation 2/V-smile...and Wii...and.....yes, I know, they
so sweet. doesn't it just make your heart smile to hear things like that?! i know it does mine. i love that song! it brought tears to my eyes (although that doesn't take much these days!).
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with your kids having things that they enjoy! Mine have them too, but mine also know how they get them and who provides for daddy to have the job to get them! We are all totally blessed to have a Glorious Father! It is so amazing what kids will say and do! I wrote about what my 7 year old did while rock climbing! Its so amazing what kids learn and yet as adults we struggle with such things!
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