I talked to Jesus

Yesterday started out like any other typical day in the Clement/Jack household...

Kids running around screaming, tearing up the house. Me..running around the house like a mad woman picking up after them...thinking, 'Today just might be the day that I pull my hair out'

I have been pretty upset since Tuesday evening. I found out the Jen, who is my ex husband's sister, and in my heart will always be like not only a sister but a dear friend as well, had her baby. From the point of delivery, he has not been doing so well. He is having alot of difficulty breathing. Tuesday she was not able to hold him...and oh, how my heart is breaking for her. I have been there and know how incredibly painful it is to see your child laying there and not be able to hold them. She did, finally, get to hold him on Wednesday, but he is still not doing well. Right now, they are saying it could either be pnuemonia or pulmonary hypertension. He will have to stay in the NICU after she is discharged. Her husband, who is deployed to Iraq, is home with her right now, and will be for about two more weeks, but I know this is very hard for them. And I wish so much that I could be up in Indy with her right now.

So anyways, my heart has been heavy with that. Then I find out that the girl's dad is NOT getting them over their spring break like he was supposed to, and I had to break the news to the girls. Why am I always forced to be the one to tell them hurtful things like this?

Kinsey went to her room after I told her, and I knew she was probably crying..but from previous experiences with this I have learned, and it is very hard, that I need to let her have her space to 'process and deal' with these things. Then let her come talk to me about it when she is ready.

I hate to admit it, but she is EXACTLY like me when it comes to dealing with obstacles.

At lunchtime, she looks at me and says, "Mommy, I was really upset about us not going to daddy's like we were supposed to." I said, "It's ok to be upset about it...do you want to talk about it?" "No," she says, "I talked to Jesus about it, and I feel better now."

Wow.

My six year old has the ability to turn to Jesus, to talk to Him, to lean on Him when things are difficult for her...but I struggle with it so much sometimes.

There is a beautiful song by Casting Crowns called 'Somewhere in the Middle'...and I think it describes most all of us, as Christians, trying to figure out where we are, what He has planned for us and doing it. We are in the middle of who we were before becoming Christians, and who He is working through us to make us become. The song truly touches me, every single time I listen to it.


Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle


I was listening to this CD when my oldest two got off of the school bus yesterday. Aidan and I sat down to do his homework...and I was asking him how his day went, etc. The conversation went something like this:

Me: How was school today?

A: Good. I got another 'green' star.

Me: I see that. I am really proud of you. And you also got a 100 on your math quiz....GREAT JOB!!! *we high-five*

A: Where did you get this music you are listening to?

Me: Wal-Mart

A: Who is it?

Me: Casting Crowns...they sing Christian music and praise Jesus.

A: Well, I really like it. Can you put it in my Ipod?

Me: You really want Casting Crowns in your Ipod?

A: Yeah, I really do. I really like it. And I want to take it to Brandon's so he can listen to it. (Brandon is our next door neighbor kid, and they take their Ipod's outside when they play together and listen to music).

YES...I have awesome children...I am fully aware of this fact! And yes, my children have their own Ipod's....and DS's/Leapster's...and Playstation 2/V-smile...and Wii...and.....yes, I know, they are a just little spoiled but they are awesome kids!

This picture is a little old, but it is one of my favorite of all four of them!

Unpresentable and My Little Organizer

Well, I hope you all had a good week-end. I know we did.

Saturday, Grammie Dee came and got the girls for awhile, to take them to a birthday party. Chris and I caught up on some much needed sleep. Thank you grandma!!! ha,ha

Sunday, we went to Josh's church. On top of being able to enjoy worshipping, we got to see some really good friends we haven't seen in awhile, and I was very thankful for that. After church, I dropped Chris off at the house...Aidan was going to be there soon, and went and got us all some lunch. When I got home, I found out Chris had given yet another tour of our home.


UGH!!!

I hadn't cleaned all weekend. The floors needed to be swept, things needed dusted. It was a wreck.

Off of Sunday and into our conversation

Me: I CAN NOT believe you showed the house off....it is filthy!

His response...."I think the house looks pretty good."

Me: No...no, it doesn't. It was unpresentable!

Chris: Well, I was showing off the 'storm shelter.'

Me: You did what? Not only did you show off the house....you showed off our horribly, unorganized closet.

Him: NO..I was showing off the storm shelter.

Me: The storm shelter IS in the floor of our closet. So, someone saw our closet.

Him: Who cares. It's a closet.



Did he seriously just say, 'Who cares?' I care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




In the midst of nearing a panic attack...he adds...well, you got compliments on your decor.

And he thinks that will make it all ok. lol



Is it just me, or does everyone else worry about these things too?


Because my hubs is practically convinced I am a nut-case and that I worry TOO much about these things.
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On a lighter note:


When it comes to cleaning...Breanna is now very much enjoying taking the canned goods, and other food out of the cabinet.

The other day, Breanna took all the pudding out of the cabinet. But when I went to pick it up...it was gone! Hmmmm....where did it go, I wondered. I opened the cabinet, and she had put them all back. Maybe Breanna is going to be my one child who actually likes to keep things picked up.

And now, back to our weekend....

after the near panic attack, we took the kids for a bike ride around the neighborhood. Ava got tired, so she climbed in the wagon with Breanna, and Chris attached her bike to the wagon so he could take it back home. Dropped it off, and rode down the street, to the next addition, and around.

On the way home the kids decided they wanted to go to the park, so we went home, loaded up and headed to the park.

Park 1 apparently wasn't too much fun so they decided we needed to go to the other park.

Load back up in the van, and go to park two. Aidan and Chris threw the football for awhile, and the girls played on the swings. (I can't believe I forgot the camera to our first outing of the year.)

After a while, the kids decided they were hungry and wanted to go to Sub-a-way, as Ava calls it. So, we went and had dinner, and then went to Home Depot to get some hedge clippers.

When we got home the kids invited ALL (and I mean all six) of the neighbor kids over to jump on the trampoline. It was a party in the backyard. Literally! Chris and I worked on the landscaping. It looks really pretty this time of year. My front porch is my favorite place....we just need to decide what kind of outdoor furniture to put out there.

The.Best.News

So, today was a pretty big day in the terms of a few things we have been anticipating...happened today.

For starters, A had her speech therapy assessment. After two hours of testing, a developmental therapist and speech therapist came out and spoke to me. They informed me that while A is on the border of having a speech impediment, and that they are going to suggest she be approved for the program, she is testing at the understanding of a 5 1/2-6 yr old. She just turned 4. The speech therapist went on to tell me that they believe if they can get her articulations corrected, so that she will communicate with others, we will find that we have an exceptionally smart child. That she answered questions and performed challenges they asked her to do during the two hour test, and they were pleasantly surprised she was able to do them because they would not expect her to be able to do them until a much older age.

Secondly... I, FINALLY, got to turn my heart monitor in to the cardiac center. YAH!!! No more wearing that bulky, very annoying thing. I meet with the dr. next Friday to discuss their findings, and where we go from here.

Now...the biggest news of all...Breanna's bloodwork was done and her A1C came back at......................................

5.5

Thank you, JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God is Great!

Basically, what this means is NO INSULIN! YAH! I still have to continue meal planning with her, and take fasting glucose readings once per day, and get A1C's done every three months but NO INSULIN!!!!!!!!!!! -at least for the time being.

I cried. Thank you Lord. This was.THE.BEST.NEWS!

I could not be any happier right now.

If her readings become irratic, or the next A1C is elevated we will have to start insulin, but not right now.

WOW!

I'd love to write a long post and go on and on about the joy I feel right now, but honestly, me....the talker of talkers....is pretty speechless! And in awe of God's work!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wrestling and Rambunctious Kids

A had his first wrestling meet tonight. It was a nice escape from what has become the 'normal' in our lives lately.

He did really well. I was impressed, to say the least.

The girls were wound up and not wanting to 'sit' on the bleachers. We finally gave in and just let them go play on the floor. At one point, Chris looked down at them and made a comment about all the kids down there rolling, crawling, scooting, etc around on the floor.

Have there ever been times in your lives when you have been embarrassed because your kids aren't proper and well behaved at all times? I looked down at them and thought, I really wish my kids weren't 'those kids'...the ones rolling around on the floor. But tonight, this is a battle I just simply don't want to fight. I want to enjoy being out amongst other adults. Not sitting in our house...focusing on what our life has become. No thoughts of meal planning, glucose checking, insulin shots, or heart monitors. Just us enjoying watching our children being entertained.

I praise God for the wonderful weather we are continuing to have. The sunshine does have the ability to brighten the spirit, and rejuvenate the soul.

Oh, how I wish it could stay daylight all day and night.

But I know that is not possible just like it was not possible to not come home, and be snapped back into reality.

It seems as though here lately we climb a small hill only to be standing at the foot of a mountain.

And this mountain I am standing at the bottom of is the steepest one I have had to climb.

My mind won't slow long enough to rest. Please pray specifically for this!

LORD, I need your comfort tonight. I love my daughter more than life itself, and I need the strength to keep believing this is all for a reason. That she is suffering for a reason. I know this is Your will. And that You are the same You were yesterday, and will be tomorrow. That you weep for Breanna just like I do. I just need You to remind me of that from time to time. I am only human, and I hurt for my child, the way You hurt for all of Your children.

One Step at a Time

Several months back, while I was at the Riley's NICU reunion, I was speaking to a group of parents who also had children with congential heart defects. They were out of South Bend and had started a group called 'Mended Little Hearts'. Many people don't realize this, but congential heart defects are America's #1 birth defect.

There were several booths set up that we walked around to see, and we talked to a large variety people. We visited with some of the nurses who took care of her during her stay at Riley's. We also got pictures taken, and won a gigantic gift basket of stuff.

Ok...getting off track with where I am going here. At one of the booths, I spoke to a women, who told me she was in charge of recruiting family members to become parent/patient representatives. She told me she was very touched by Breanna's story, from my eventful pregnancy to Breanna being the smallest baby Dr. Brown has performed the 'switch' procedure on to her 'miraculous' (when I say miraculous, I mean the doctors could not explain it, other than to say, they, themselves, knew God had performed a miracle) recovery. She asked me to become a 'representative', gave me the paperwork I needed to volunteer to do this, and told me that I would be compensated for my travel expenses because we live three hours, one-way, from the hospital.

Patient/parent representative. This term stuck in my head, but I really didn't give it alot of thought, because I thought I could never do something like this. I don't have the strength or courage.

Let me just tell you what this 'job' entails. I would have to speak at sporting events, Riley's charity functions, etc. to raise money for Riley's research and development. I would have to get up in front of hundreds, possibly thousands of people to tell her story. I thought, "You've got to be kidding me. I can't possibly do this." I was the person who got nervous in speech class, giving speeches in front of people I had known the biggest part of my life. How could I possibly speak in front of hundreds/thousands of people I don't know?

I got home from Indy that weekend, talked to Chris and my parents about it, and I decided I wasn't the 'right' person to be representing Riley's parents and children. But I couldn't manage to throw the paper in the trash, so I stuck it with all Breanna's paperwork from Riley's.

Recently, I was having trouble dealing with a particular issue in my life. One that I thought, I can handle on my own. I tried reluctantly to 'handle' it on my own, to deal with it how I thought it needed to be dealt with. I failed. I made a HUGE mess. A few weeks ago, I started praying really hard about the situation, hoping God would show me what I needed to do. It became clear. All I needed to do was give it to Him. For the first time, in over a year, I truly felt at peace.

From that point on, He has continued to make His Will VERY clear to me.

Psalm 116 spoke to me, and for the first time, in a long time, I really, whole heartedly listened.

I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;

he heard my cry for mercy.

Because he turned his ear to me,

I will call on him as long as I live.

The cords of death entangled me,

the anguish of the grave came upon me;

I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

The I called on the name of the LORD:

"O LORD, save me!"

The LORD is gracious and righteous;

our God is full of compassion.

The LORD protects the simplehearted;

when I was in great need, he saved me.

Be at rest once more, O my soul,

for the LORD has been good to you.

For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,

my eyes from tears,

my feet from stumbling,

that I may walk before the LORD

in the land of the living.

I believed; therefore I said,

'I am greatly afflicted."

12-14 say it all....

How can I repay the LORD

for all his goodness to me?

I will lift up the cup of salvation

and call on the name of the LORD.

I will fulfill my vows to the LORD

in the presence of all his people.

He is laying it on my heart, and I know if I trust in Him he will give me the strength and courage to fullfill my vow, to become a 'representative'. To not only speak for this hospital, for these parents and children, but to also testify of His love, and compassion for His children.

The devotional with this reading is about how to eat an elephant. I am going to paraphrase but it basically talks about how you can accomplish anything if you learn to just take one step at a time...one day at a time. That this is true in anything we do, whether it be all the things we have to accomplish, physical conditions we have to live with, or a broken heart that needs healing.

I think many times in our lives most of us wish we could somehow leave our problems behind, but we know that the world does not stop for us. We learn to dig in with whatever we have; we work our way through things slowly (taking baby steps at times...and taking one day at a time). Trusting that we have the solid Rock to lean upon! God is ALWAYS there. And how beautiful the truth of that is!!!

Please pray for me as I take these baby steps He wants me to take.

**side note** My kids love, and I mean absolutely love, to play hide'n'go seek. Breanna has started in on the fun with them. Yesterday, I turned cartoons on for her to watch while I did the dishes. When I was done, I walked in the living room, fully expecting to see her sitting in her little wooden rocking chair, but to my dismay she was not there. I thought, ok, I know she has not snuck up the stairs, because the babygate is in place. I walked around the first floor, calling her name. No Breanna. No giggles. No nothing. I searched each room, the master closet, cabinets, etc. I was starting to get in panic mode, when all of the sudden she peeks her head out between the kids coats. We have a 'mini' coat rack in the hallway going back to our utility room for the kids to hand their coats on. She has got behind them, and was hiding from mommy. What scared me half out of my mind, was a fun game to her. Had she not stuck her head out I am not sure how long it would have taken me to notice her little legs at the bottom of the coats. She giggled like it was the funniest thing that ever happened when I said, 'Oh there you are.'

Today, same thing, except I found her behind the couch we have in the computer room. When I found her, she covered her eyes, as if I couldn't see her if she couldn't see me. And this time, I was actually able to get a picture of it.

Brighter Side

**UPDATE**

Thought I might add a little humor to this blog by sharing a conversation I had with my oldest daughter today.

We had just got back to Jasper from Breanna's ped. appointment. I had to run home and get my glucose meter and take it back to him, so he could look at Breanna's readings from the past two days.

Anyways, I ran in the house real quick, and when I got back out to the van Kinsey proceeds to ask me if 'sexy' was a bad word. What?! Where did this come from, I thought to myself. Before I could even answer that question I realized where she heard it...Kenny Chesney's 'She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy' was playing on the radio. I told her that even though it is not necessarily a 'bad' word, she is too young to use it in her vocabulary. The look of confusion on her face was priceless.

It just goes to show that young children do pick up what they hear, and try to process it.

**ORIGINAL POST**

I had a sweet friend of mine, and fellow Riley's parent, tell me yesterday, that even after everything we have been through I always manage to see the 'brighter side' of things.

Oh, how I wish that were true.

I wish my heart was always able to see the brighter side of things.

However, I do believe that with the strength of God, and the influence of the very wise men that I am blessed to call my dad and grandpa, I have learned to look at obstacles in life with perspective. I try to not sweat the small things, to 'pinch' my daily irritants, and keep my annoyances in perspective. I believe, if you miniaturize your problems, they can become laughable and lose the power to frustrate you.

However, there have been many times in life that I have not been able to miniaturize problems simply by pinching them. Personal trials have come crashing in like unwelcome guest. There have been times that I have not been able to run, hide, or push out my pain; I had to live through it.

Many, and I mean many, times in my life I have had what my brothers, sisters and I would call 'the talk' with my dad about where I am at in my relationship with God. And I know many of those times he has probably felt like I wasn't really listening. But I was. And I thank God daily for his 'talks'.

His response to every struggle I have faced in life...complications with my pregnancies, my diabetes, going through my divorce and feeling as though I had failed my girls, Breanna's health problems, etc...dad has simply told me to 'Pray about it'.

Phillipians 4:6-7 are the veruses I would like to share today.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request
to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus

I know that I can not escape suffering in this life, but I know that with my faith strengthened, I can still have peace.

I know some of you are probably thinking, but pain and peace do not, can not go together. But I believe they can if you have the right perspective.

My thoughts on perspective. And it is just that..my thoughts. Feel free to not agree.

It's not about worrying, but rather being honest with God about your needs. Focusing on what you are thankful for, instead of the things that are going astray. Fixing your thoughts on the 'high' things, and not the low. Being aware of what you have learned, are learning, and applying what you know is right. And finally, I believe it is about opening yourself to God's peace.

My goal in life is to not sweat the small things-rather 'pinch' them!

And even through more serious trials, I'll try to remember that the summer of life inevitably turns to winter. The grand picnic will be remembered either as a battle against pesky flies, or the feast of ripe fruit...depending on your perspective.


Dear Jesus, as I walk this road with you, please give me the continued strength to 'pinch' the small things, and turn to you during it all, not just the storm. I give you all the Glory. I continue to pray for my friends who are also going through storms in their lives... LORD, lift these dear friends of mine up today. Let the sun shine into their lives, so their spirits feel renewed. I ask this in Your name. Amen


I want to share a video, well really the song. It truly touches me everytime I listen to it.

Shattered

Yesterday, Breanna had an appointment at Riley's Childrens Hospital. There were a few things I have been concerned about that I needed to discuss with the doctor, but overall I felt like the appointment would be routine, that my concerns would be diminished with simple 'fixes', and that it would just be another 'She's beautiful...doing great...keep up the good work' appointment.

So, the nurse practioner comes in, as she always does before we meet with the pediatric developmental specialist, and says she sees that I am concerned about the fact that Breanna has lost a pound in the past month. I said, 'Yes, I just don't understand it, considering the amount of whole milk and food she eats." I went on to ask her, if this was something caused by her metabolic rate, heart condition, etc. She said, "She didn't believe so, and that she was very concerned about it as well." She checked her over, told me Breanna is weight wise only at the percentage a 7 month old should be, and the height of a 9-10 month old. She, again, said she was very worried about this and would be back in a few minutes with the specialist to discuss what they think the 'problem' could be. At this point, my mind is racing. Why didn't she just tell me what she thinks is wrong?

The next five minutes seemed like an hour.

The doctor came in and said, "A dietician will be in shortly to discuss 'meal planning' with you." My heart sank...everything blurred. I knew what she was about to say..........LORD, NO....please no...don't let the words I think I am about to hear come out of Dr. Lytle's mouth. How can my baby have diabetes? Why? Hasn't she been through enough? "with her A1C coming back a little high, her rapid weight lost, increased appetite, excessive drinking and urinating, we believe Breanna is diabetic." I was screaming inside my head!

I lost it! I mean, completely, lost it. Dr. Lytle was trying so hard to be comforting...but the fact of the matter is unless you live with the disease, you can not understand how it makes you feel. You don't truly understand the impact it has, the changes in your life you have to make. The hassle of checking your sugar, of giving yourself insulin injections.

I gathered myself enough to ask her, "Where do we go from here?" Well, we need to start with checking her glucose level in the mornings and after meals, so that we can get an average to know what we are dealing with (her highs and lows) to determine treatment. She said, "Kids who are diagnosed early on have a much easier time of dealing with the disease, because they don't know life to be any different. Living this is their way of life." However true that may be, it still wasn't comforting to my heart.

The appointment lasted a while longer, and we discussed alot of things that I already know from dealing with my own diabetes, but didn't know if they would be different because of her being an infant. I met with the pediatric dietician to discuss meal planning for her. It is a little different than mine, but not alot, so that is good. As a family, we all overall eat healthy because of me having diabetes.

I left the appointment with ALOT...and I mean alot...of mixed emotions. I was so angry. I spent half the car ride home, sobbing, yelling at God. She has been through so much already, and just when we thought things were going in our favor with her health....BAM....this gets thrown at us. WHY?!?!?!?!?!

About halfway home, a peace came over me. My child...you ARE prepared to deal with this. I HAVE given you the strength and knowledge to deal with this, and will continue to do so. Trust in me.

YES..God, you are right! I have already been here once before. I truly believe with all my heart, that my onset of diabetes as a young adult has made me prepared and able to take care of this beautiful child. A child who can not speak and tell me when she is feeling bad. This child who I have learned to read all so well. Dealing with my disease, learning about it inside and out, knowing the 'warning' signs has prepared me to take care of her. To be able to spot her 'warning' signs. To know when she doesn't feel well. To know how to care for her.

Last night, as I laid in bed praying...praising God for all the wonderful things he has given me, instead of questioning all the bad...I remembered a passage I heard a sermon on back when I was younger about Jesus healing a man who was born blind. The passage is John 9:1-5

As he went along, he saw a man
blind from birth. His disciples
asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this
man or his parents, that he was born blind."
"Neither this man nor his parents
sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened
so that the work of God might be displayed
in his life. As long as it is day,
we must do the work of him who sent
me. Night is coming, when no one can
work. While I am in the world, I am the
light of the world."

The rest of John 9 goes on to talk about how Jesus spit on the ground and made mud to put on this man's eyes. And when he came home from the Pool of Siloam able to see, his neighbors did not believe it was him. They thought he was a man who just looked like him. He told them he was indeed himself, and what Jesus had done to heal him.

The devotional that goes along with this particular scripture talks about broken, shattered glass.

It says, "Shattered glass is full of a thousand different angles, each one able to pick up a ray of light and shoot it off in a thousand directions. That doesn't happen with plain glass, such as a jar. The glass must be broken into many pieces.

What's true of shattered glass is true of a broken life. Shattered dreams. A heart full of fissures. Hopes that are splintered. A life in pieces that appears to be ruined. But given time and prayer, such a person's life can shine more brightly than if the brokenness had never happened. When the light of the Lord Jesus falls upon a shattered life, that believer's hopes can be brightened.

Only our great God can reach down into what otherwise would be brokeness and produce something beautiful. With him, nothing is wasted. Every broken dream and heart that hurts can be redeemed by his loving, warm touch. Your life may be shattered by sorrow, pain, or sin, but God has in mind a kaleidoscope through which his light can shine more brilliantly."

Psalm 34:18 also talks about this.

The LORD is close to the
brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed
in spirit.

And Psalm 51:17

The sacrifices of God are a broken
spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.


As I pray about the situation before me, I can not help but think of my dear, sweet friend Chelsa who just a month ago lost her precious baby Andon. And Christine and Ryan Maglinger, another Riley's family from Evansville, who lost their precious baby Sadie when she was 4 months old. And all the other mothers out there whose precious little ones are sitting at the feet of our LORD, rejoicing. And all the other mothers who have sick children, who want so desperately to be able to take away their child(ren)'s pain. To protect them. Who hurt because they know it is out of their hands, and that the only thing they can do is give it to God.

Please, when you pray for our family today, pray for all those other mothers and father as well.

Mondays~Gray Days

I don't know what it is about Monday's, but for some reason, they almost always seem slow and depressing to me. It's the start of the week, and I have so much to do, but I just can't seem to get motivated. They feel just like gray days. Days that are draining, when I just want the strength to get up and 'dance'

This morning as a was reading some scripture I came across a devotional about gray days. It always seems that everytime I open my Bible, I find a reading about whatever is going on in my life or how I am feeling. I know it is God speaking to me, so loud and clear.

The passage is Psalm 28

To you I call, O Lord my Rock;
do not turn a deaf ear to me.
For if you remain silent,
I will be like those who have gone
down to the pit
Har my cry for mercy
as I call to you for help,
as I lift my hands
toward your Most Holy Place.

Do not drag me away with the
wicked,
who speak cordially with their
neighbors
but harbor malice in their hearts.
Repay them for their deeds
and for their evil works;
repay them for that their hands
have done
and bring back upon them what they deserve.
Since they show no regrd for the
works of the LORD
and what his hands have done,
he will tear them down
and never build them up again.

Praise be to the LORD,
for he has heard my cry for mercy.
The LORD is my strendth and my
shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am
helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in
song.

The LORD is the strenght of his
people,
a fortress of salvation for his
annointed one.
Save your people and bless your
inheritance;
be their shephard and carry them forever.

The devotional reading is called Dancing Leaves

Another gray, dreary day. Wind, rain, sleet, snow. Ah, the variety of ways the weather can dampen my spirits. The overcast skies rob the color from my world and I feel alone. Gray days feel like Mondays-days full of too much to do and too little time. Days with responsibilities crowding in and joy crowding out. Gray days.

Yet in the road are dancing leaves. Leaves swirling in circular patterns across the streets. Dancing leaves, you dance in circles, going nowhere in particular. Don't you know today is bitter and cold? Dont' you realize the wind is making your world an unfriendly place? Under gray skies and nasty weather, today is a day of overcoasts pulled tight and hats pulled low.

Still you dance. Crusty brown leaves, wrinkled and lifeless, you dance. Yet this dance is not your own. Let to your own volition, you'd be sitting in the nearest compost pile. No, this dance of yours comes from a source completely other than your ring of swirling leaves. The dance of yours is a defiant on, a dance which laughs at the melancholy gray.

Dancing leaves, your defiance is contagious.

Spirit of the living God,
Surround my dreary world today
And set my feet to dancing.
The silent song of days gone gray,
A heart that's heavy laden,
Won't have the last, the final say.
I know a song of dancing leaves,
The swirl and twirl despite the gray.
Spirit of the living God,
Set my feet to dancing


Author of Dancing Leaves: Debra Klingsporn