Spinach Hummus

Late last year, I decided to cut out processed foods, as much as possible, from my family's diet.

Not that we ate a lot before, but I wanted to be even more disciplined about it.  I'm a firm believer that your children acquire a 'like' for the foods they grow up eating, and I want to get my kids off to a good start when it comes to making good decisions about food choices.

Now that's not to say that we don't eat Subway every now and then, because we do.  I've just become more conscience of the foods I buy at the store.

We've never been a family who has bags of chips, cookies, ice cream, etc in our house for snacks, and a lot of our family members say we are 'weird' because of this.  I'd just rather my kids eat nuts, fruits, veggies, etc. if they want a snack.

Ava, our middle daughter, has been having some GI issues, which has lead to us going gluten-free.

And I'll be sharing more of our new favorite gluten-free recipes with you all soon.

Today's recipe is by far one of the kids new favorite 'dips'.

If your kids are anything like mine, then they always have to have 'dip' for everything they eat. lol

And if you're anything like me, you LOVE simple, easy-to-make recipes.  You know the kind that contain five ingredients or less. :)

So, here we go:

-Chick Peas

-EVOO

-1 Tbsp lemon juice

- 1 tsp Cumin

-Handful of spinach

Throw it all in a food processor. 

Blend well while drizzling in EVOO.

Literally, two minutes later you will have a yummy bowl of hummus to enjoy on anything your heart desires.

Aside from being absolutely delicious, you can store this for up to four days in the refrigerator, and the cost break-down is just over $2.  And you just can't beat that.

Dear Kate

When I first learned of Bre's congential heart defect, and the seriousness of the situation, my head told me to guard my heart.  There was no way this little 4.5 lb, 31 week preemie could survive this.  But my heart knew there might only be a few, short days to physically be with her and I needed to love her with everything I had.

In those 15 days prior to surgery, and for the month following, my life consisted of barely being able to touch her, comfort her, to really do anything but just be with her and love her.  I felt more helpless than I ever had in my life, and I know right now, there are times that you feel the exact same way.  It may be for a different reason, but the pain is still the same.  It's partly in feeling helpless and partly in wanting something so much more for your child because you love them so much.

I've prayed, and prayed, and prayed some more since I received your email with the diagnosis.  I know the road ahead is long, and will often times be bumpy, but I also know that in those moments when a sweet, little O calls his Mommy 'a princess'....it makes it all worth every ounce of worry and every tear shed.

This morning as I drove the kids to school, I was listening to the writer of the song I'm about to share with you, talk about his feelings when his own child was diagnosed with a congential heart defect in utero.  As I pulled in the school parking lot, tears flowed down my face as I flashed back to that place in my own life, and then you and little O were all I could think about.

This line got me..... 'I chose to recklessly love my child, even if I bleed'.

Afraid to love, something that could break,
Could I move on, if you were torn away?
I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart, and pray it makes you whole

You're gonna have all of me, you're gonna have all of me,
Cause you're worth every fallen tear, you're worth facing every fear
You're gonna know all my love, even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts, giving you all of me is where I'll start.

I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
Trade the fear of all that I could lose, for every moment I share with you

You're gonna have all of me, you're gonna have all of me,
Cause you're worth every fallen tear, you're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love, even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts, giving you all of me is where I'll start.

Heaven broke into this moment, it's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me

You're gonna have all of me, you're gonna have all of me,
Cause you're worth every fallen tear, you're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love, even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts, giving you all of me is where I'll start

You're gonna have all of me,
Causeyou're worth every fallen tear, you're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love, even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts, giving you all of me is where I'll start
It's where I'll start

I see this in your dedication to do everything you possibly can to make O's life better, and I just wanted to tell you that I think he's one blessed little boy to be surrounded by that kind of love from his princess Mommy.

Riley's....Here We Come Again!!!

WOW...has it really been THREE months since my last post?  Apparently so.

Time really does fly by faster the older you get.

A few months ago, while doing a Bible study with some close girlfriends, I really started to feel like I needed to shift my priorities, so one of the things that fell to the wayside was this blog.  I've had several friends email me and ask if something was wrong, because I hadn't 'blogged' in so long.

And truth be told, I just haven't had the desire to share what has been going on in our personal life until we had some more definitive answers.

Ava has been pretty sick for a few months.  After a couple ER visits and a string of inconclusive bloodwork, Mark admitted her to Jasper Hospital for further testing.  After an abdominal ultrasound and CT scans, it was determined that she has some GI issues and a gallstone.

Mark called Marcus (the dr who performed my gallbladder removal and mastectomy) to come evaluate her and decide if he felt surgery was needed.  After much discussion about her age and the rarity of gallbladder issues at this age, the unknown of the cause of it, it was decided that her care needed to be transferred to Riley's.

Her medications were adjusted to keep her comfortable until we were able to get in to see the Pediatric Surgeon on March 20.

Dr. Billmire said Ava's cause is unusual and she wanted her to see the GI specialist to try and determine what else is going on. 

So, on Monday we were back at Riley's bright and early of another ultrasound and an Upper GI with small bowl follow through.  (Meaning she had to drink Barium and have her organs scanned as it passed through).  This test took awhile, and she wasn't able to eat until the Barium made it to a certain point in the digestive track.  The poor kid was starving by time that happened.

That afternoon we met with the GI specialist, Dr Croffie, at IU North.  After a long evaluation, he decided that she also needs an Endoscopy with Bravo implant.  We are waiting for scheduling to call us with the date of that appointment, but with this procedure they will be testing the pH of the acid her stomach is producing, repair any ulcers they find, and take biopsies from within the duodenum and intestines, which will tell us if she has Celiac disease (aka: a gluten allergy).  She has about 9 out of the 10 symptoms for this disease, and we've recently found out that it runs on her paternal grandfather's side of Curtis's family. 

The procedure will take about 3-4 hours and she'll have to be put under anesthesia for it.  A small device will be attached to her esophageal wall, and she'll have to wear a pager sized recorder on her belt that will record the pH readings from the acid that is causing the esophageal damage during the reflux.  With the information they gather, Dr Croffie will be able to adjust her medication to better treat her.

So, that's where we are with all of that.

Now for the good news....

Four other women from my town will be participating in the 3-Day in Chicago, and I'm so excited.  We've been getting together a couple days a week for training walks, and it's been a lot of fun to get to know them better.  If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you'll see the MapMyRun app postings about these training walks. :)

We're also encouraging our big kids to exercise more, so as a family, we've started a 5K training program.  They are pretty excited about it, and regularly ask me to wait until they get home from school to run so that they can run with me.  This past week-end, Chris and I went to Adventure's Recreation to get some new running socks, which lead to me getting a new fanny camelbak for my 3-Day.  (I absolutely LOVE it, and the best part is.....IT'S PINK!).  And Chris also bought me my first pair of Pearl Izumi's.  He bought himself a pair, too, as motivation to start running with me. lol.  They are honestly, the most comfortable tennis shoes I've ever ran in.

Honey Mustard Penne with Grilled Chicken

I'm going to share with you all my easiest go-to recipe for left over grilled chicken.

I don't have my normal step-by-step pictures, but it's so easy, y'all won't even need them. Lol

Dice up grilled chicken, an avocado, and a cucumber.

While boiling the penne, whip up some homemade honey mustard.

1 cup low-fat mayo

1/4 cup Dijon mustard

2 Tbsp Karo

4 Tbsp honey or agave nectar

Mix well.

Drain pasta and mix all ingredients.

Where I'm Supposed to Be

So, I've been MIA the past few weeks.

Not because I haven't had anything to be thankful for, because trust me, I have.  But I've been in a darker place following this past surgery.  Thank goodness for phone calls and texting with Allie.  It's always comforting to hear, 'I understand exactly how you feel.'

Surgery always manages to stir up emotions that I try my hardest to keep at bay.  Probably because I have a lot of downtime to just think while I'm laying in bed.

As usual following surgery, I got a pretty nasty chest cold, and wasn't able to get into my doctor, so I went to the urgent clinic in our town.  I was warned that the attending doctor there is 'cold', but I didn't care...I just needed an antibiotic, and I could deal with 'cold' for a 10 minute appointment.  I needed to get some antibiotics in my system before hosting Kinsey's birthday party that night.

Since it was the first time I had ever been there, I had to fill out paperwork which included my medical history.

The doctor came in and starts looking through my paperwork.  He asks me to tell him a little bit about my experience with cancer, and as I'm going through it all, tears start streaming down his face.  He says to me, 'It's so hard to hear of that kind of struggle at your age.'  Then proceeds to feel around on my glands. 

I tried to 'cheer him up' by telling him about how great I'm doing now and how awesome my experience was on the 3-Day, but he didn't smile even a little.

As my appointment ended, we walked out into this common area, he turns to me and says, 'My wife died from breast cancer 15 years ago.  Keep doing what you're doing, brave girl, you can change the world.'

I barely made it to my car before the tears started flowing, but in the moment I knew, I was right where I was supposed to be.  That sweet doctor needed that release, and God put me there for that reason.

Later that day, Allie called me to tell me about a friend of ours who found out her cancer is back, and in her brain. 

And just a few hours later, I learned that my ex father-in-law had an accident and had to be life lined to a hospital in Indianapolis.

So, here I am, hosting six girls and a birthday party, and having to take breather breaks to go in the bathroom and just cry.  To say it was a rough day would be an understatement, but thankfully, because all the girls were here, they kept me occupied just enough that I kept it together for the most part.

I know He knew that'd be my day and He worked it out that way.

With the overload of things going on, Chris let my dad know.  So, I ended up getting a phone call from my step-mom half-way through the evening, letting me know she was coming up to be with me.  I soooo needed that.  After I got the girls down for the night, Roxann and I had a long talk about everything. 

I'm so emotionally invested in these wonderful people who've come into my life because of cancer, and even though I know God has a plan, it's so hard to not question that plan when those you love are suffering and dying from it. 

Why them and not me?

Survivor's guilt rearing it's ugly face!

Sometimes it's hard to comprehend that I'm right where He needs me to be, especially when they are not right where I think they should be.

The questions begin to flood my mind, and He always, ALWAYS meets me there.

Where does he meet us in our suffering?  What does the cross really mean?  What good is an escape route if it does not open until the end of time?

I know the cross does not promise to free us from pain and suffering...not at least any time in the present.  It, in fact, promises just the opposite.  The certainty of pain and suffering.

So where is my joy if my world (the one I'm so deeply in love with) is so immensely filled with suffering?  It's running straight through the heart of the pain and suffering.

My faith, at the very least, asks me to believe that the path to heaven runs through suffering.  Through the sorrow of this world, through that fog of doubt. My God is love.  And He is in control.

I know He brought me to this place in my life for a reason above it just being for a season.  I knew that the moment I stepped off that plane in Atlanta and was surrounded by people who 'get' where I am in my life. 

Standing in Survivor's Circle, embracing Allie, I knew I was where I'm supposed to be.

I came home, had surgery, went to that darker place...and it's been an eye opener in that I know not only am I supposed to be involved with the Susan G Komen foundation and bringing awareness to this disease, but I'm supposed to be doing something more.

When I had Kinsey, I gave up on college to get a job and support us.  Over the past few years, I've toyed with the idea of going back to school for something different, but the past few weeks Chris and I have been in a lot of discussion of me feeling like I'm supposed to further my education with Chemistry.  Now, the nearest major college is over an hour away, so I told him I was going to check into USI, and he suggested IU...since they are close to the same distance away.  I mentioned that I know they don't have an engineering program, but I looked at their program list anyway.  Low and behold, they have a program for Chemical Informatics. 

So....without further ado...guess who's going back to school?

And guess who in a few years will, hopefully, be working in a Lab or for a drug company (and hopefully focusing on cancer medications)?

This girl!

I really feel like everything in my life that has happened has guided me back to this place because this is where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing with it.